All Consumed; My Anxiety;

The anxiety is all consuming.

I live on the edge of a cliff, forever teetering, never feeling the balance of flat ground.

A constant whirl pool of thoughts on the fastest cycle spin endlessly in my brain.

To relax is to feel restless.

Like it’s not deserved.

To be calm is to be guilty, because I know others are hurting and that means I must hurt too.

It wouldn’t be fair for me to be okay and them to not be.

Always paranoid, expecting the worst.

Waiting for the worst.

Just fear. Always fear.

The anxiety never leaves.

It’s there when I wake.

It follows me as I try to sleep.

It’s a demon that attaches to me, grabbing my ankles as I dreadfully drag it along day after day.

The demon clutches my heart, and incinerates my lungs.

The demon pounds my brain until it’s unable to function.

The demon sucks the life out of my soul until I’m left a shell, hollowed out, and filled with a dark shadow.

The demon’s eyes glow where mine should be.

The demon’s thoughts override my attempting thoughts to calm down.

The demon’s laughter is the last I hear before I lose all control of my brain.

Override, overdrive, overkill.

The motto anxiety lives and breathes by.

Override, overdrive, overkill.

The demon repeats his mantra.

Override, overdrive, overkill.

People must realize that is what it’s like.

The thoughts, the fear, the panic;

Never stops.

Never stops.

Never stops.

Never stops.

On and on.

This is anxiety.

The repetition of overwhelming thoughts that consume you whole every waking second of your life.

Every second.

Always something on the mind.

Always.

Making you feel crazy.

No.

Making you feel insane.

Insane because it’s so intense, so real.

The brain can make you physically sick.

And there you go again getting sick.

Middle of the night.

Middle of the day.

Sick. Sick. Because your brain did this.

No you did this.

You can control this.

But no you can’t, it’s not your fault.

Oh but wait. It is.

It is. It’s your fault. You’re wasting your time, your life.

Just stop.

But saying stop only intensifies it more.

Gives it power.

Will it end?

Will these thoughts ever slow?

Will I survive years with a brain like this?

Will I survive today?

No, I can’t.

But I do.

Pushing through.

And through.

Another day - check.

Another night - check.

This is anxiety.

It’s doesn’t stop.

You. Learn. To. Live. With. These. Scrambled. Thoughts.

These beaten, battered, bruised thoughts.

Panic.

Don’t panic.

But you have reason to panic.

No I don’t. Oh but you do.

No we can handle this, we’ve been through worse.

But this is bad. Trouble.

Trouble on the mind.

Anxiety.

Listen to that song again.

Listen.

Relate.

Calm.

I get overwhelmed so easily —

My anxiety.

My anxiety.

It’s my anxiety.

My my my my my my…. It’s my…. It’s my….

It’s my anxiety.

And it controls me.

I’m not ashamed to admit.

Taming it is a constant fight.

A fight not worth fighting.

I try. I try. I’ll still try.

But it’s strong. Too strong. So I let it stay.

It’s okay.

What would my life be like without anxiety anyways?

I wish it’d go away.

I wish to be free.

I got a “friend” in me.

A friend with separation anxiety.

Staying attached, never away.

Anxiety needs me, and I need to be here for anxiety today.

So here, I’ll let it stay.

Anxiety, anxiety —

Away you need to stay.

Panic. Numb. Panic. Numb.

The endless tormenting cycle never ceases.

This is anxiety.

Just a surface example.

All consuming.

I get overwhelmed —

So just don’t get overwhelmed —

But it’s not that easy, it never is.

All consuming, all consumed.

Stop, stop, stop, my head.

Anxiety…. Maybe now you’ll see what it means.

I live with my Anxiety.

My my my my Anxi—;