Alexithymia

I used to enjoy sitting in coffee shops

Take in the notes of endless hours of lofi

Watching the hours go by

With my favorite notepad and a pen my dad bought when I was an adolescent with ink that never seemed to end

Endless pages of scribbles with complex jargons

Moulded into sentences that rhymed, but lacked intention...

How juvenile...

Taking breaks periodically to light a cigarette and fill my lungs to its capacity, how foolish of me at 16 to believe I'd be an athlete when bad habits ran its course daily...

How naive was I to believe poetry would be a pass time hobby...

Alexithymia

Defined as the inability to express oneself emotionally

Leaving said self rather lonely

Unable to allow someone into your life truly

Please allow me, to amuse thee

I talk about athleticism and poetry

Enjoying lofi and bottomless coffee

Scribbled rhymes drafted mindlessly

Thoughts categorised strategically

So I may be void of emotional fragility

Successfully maintaining the facade with consistency

Maybe that's why I push you away with veracity

Utilising verbosity

Just like words lose their meaning when used in excess unnecessarily

I fear it was the lack thereof that birthed tragedy

Full circle back

To endless rhymes that lack intent

We're hell bent on pain

Which I transmute for monetary gain