In the spirit of resurrection, here's some old poetry I've dug up...because you're worth it.
Although I am constantly thinking of things I'd like to write, it usually occurs when I am unable to do so... somewhere there's a rogue piece of paper with my ideas on them. I figure - if and when I am able and the mood strikes me - it will come out. I forget things and often repeat the same stories anyhow! Writing is draining - but in the best way for me.
So, I am recycling today - mostly because, while I have ditched the idea of "perfectionism," as I had realized it was just creating a blockage from be doing, well, anything.
Due to this alteration in my way of being - I submit my stories with little to no editing. I even find errors after they are published and I leave them that way because, it's mine and - I don't think I care. So, here during a time where my heart was most certainly broken and my entire being lost and confused.
When someone uses, “I love you,” in the most abusive and manipulative of ways
To one who is so sensitive to hearing those words to begin with
Perhaps they were never shown what it really meant or how it should be
They will never trust but will destroy someone with good intentions
Nevertheless, continue to spar with one that uses it as venom...
as if uttering these words as second nature were made to make you feel safe…
The tape that plays over in the mind, as this was all you ever knew…
makes it almost comforting - like being enveloped into a soft embrace
oh, how I did long for that embrace
Then the rationale slowly registers, that you don’t need to play like a child anymore
The loss of control is repetitive - insanity - reopening a wound that had superficially healed
When you realize the bait-and-switch, foolish this way comes
It still hurts to your very core
whole body retching,
all the while - merciless is the snake - slithering around you, circling, waiting to strike
The octaves of your voice reaching heights unknown
anger seething, heat, red is all you can see - feel - even more so
You do not realize the bellow of your voice reaches the ears of no one
Do protect part of your soul, what a fool
Your cries - cut through the air like a knife - they echo
left unassigned to anyone’s ears
you did this to yourself
Yourself. Yourself. Myself. you knew. I'm laughing at you.
You did it again - that stabbing you- is it not self-inflicted?
Is your open nature of forgiveness – also your weakness?
That little bit of hope – now dim
However many words you have will never fill the space of empty
They'll never care. They'll never respond. Remember, little girl, you don't matter
You never did, your parents taught you that
Just like that - lights flicker above in time to remind that your sense of self is so fragile
One slight crack in the veneer...remember little, it was always your fault - even when you weren't there
these venomous creatures will steal the little light you have left?
don’t let them take your soul-it’s not your heart, that will heal
it’s been cut so often we are not sure there's anything left to bare
It’s pieces of your soul that break, they don’t deserve this power
Be mindful of that…
Never mine (mind)
I miss innocence
Was there ever innocence
I miss another place and time I don’t know I ever visited
I miss the feeling of the sun on my back, sitting in the buick with my father driving. staring behind me, wondering where everyone else was going and why I wasn't with them. They were probably having fun. I was always miserable. Always miserable.
I miss the house full of chaos, why - I don’t now
I miss rocco
I miss lucie
I miss kevin
I miss the days of us sleeping in together
I miss wanting something
I miss something I never had
About the author
Confused? Maybe...creative, perhaps...introspective - too much thinking makes a good girl bad. I wanted to create a safe space for me to share my hope, thoughts, and my dreams - what's left of them.