2020 / I Told Myself That I No Longer Write Poetry
A poem that I wrote on 10/01/2020, after months of not writing since I told myself that I was out of the game and that I would no longer write poetry... When I first put my pen to the page, I thought that I was writing about the positive year that I see ahead of me, but as the poem progressed I realised that I was writing about something else. Something that I hadn't told anyone, and it had been weighing heavy on my soul... My poetry is for myself before it is for anyone else. But I thought that before I journey down the path of poetry again, I should share this poem with you. This is the beginning of a new me.
I told myself that I no longer write poetry...
It hasn't helped me before to write my pain on a page,
They only show me love when I step on a stage.
They give me clicks and laughs,
But they don't really see my rage...
They don't really see my cage...
I'm trapped inside myself.
I thought that 2020 would bring me better health,
More wealth.
I thought that I could pick my heart up from that shelf and...
Breathe it back into me again.
But 10 days in and I've already experiences loss,
I've already learned what existing in this world really costs.
2019 gave me something, but 2020 took it back again.
2020 made me realise that I have to be my own best friend.
2020 let me really see that we are nearing the end.
See I told myself that I no longer write poetry
Because poetry knows too much about my pain.
I told myself that I no longer write poetry
Because I need the music to drown out the voices that are in my brain.
I told myself that I no longer write poetry,
So why has 2020 brought it out of me again?!
Look at me...
I don't even know if this is the real me who's writing this right now...
I feel like I've been infiltrated.
And maybe that's why I've been struggling to sleep since 2020,
Because my spirit has been aggravated.
Right now I feel like a zombie.
Which is so mad, because I thought I was going to be a mummy...
And maybe that's what this is really about.
I didn't want to write poems anymore
Because the weight of this pain is too heavy for a page.
I didn't want to cry when I stepped on the stage.
Poetry leaves me too open, when all I want is to be hidden away.
About the Creator
LP
I mainly write poems. Some might be a direct reflection of my personal life, whilst others might not be.
You decide
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