2019: The Year I Found the Strength Within Me!

2019 Where to Begin....

You were the year that showed the true strength within.

I’m glad I will not have to repeat you,

even through it all I would not delete you.

The year started off with a spiral down depression, triggered by a debilitating concussion. It took me down for a few weeks, but with the help of my person I was back on my feet. The gains were made and my “dream job” was found, I finally felt I would be safe and sound. Little did I know the storm would start... the one that truly tore me apart.

In and out of the hospital for days, no answers, no results, unsure of the way, to stop the pain, to stop the tears, to take away all these fears.

After wrongly being diagnosed at the hospital, just watching the pile of bills grow, little did I know... it was my appendix that had to go....

An emergency surgery that seemed to have gone well... turned into 3 multiple complications from hell. I lost my “dream job” due to not being so positive, even though I was giving all that I could give. I left the office with tears running down my face... believing I was nothing but a disgrace.

A few hours later I got a text from a friend...... to offer a part time position to help mend. Mend this unforeseen road block in my journey.. Thank god I have my friends and family.

A few weeks went by and the complications remained and I could feel myself hating the effects and change. I was depressed and rapidly gaining weight.... all my hard work the past few years has been swept away. Even with the support of my perfect man.... I just didn’t understand these constant roadblocks in my plan. I was angry and mad but kept trucking along... knowing if I lashed out I would be wrong.

I accepted my reality and faced the facts that I would have to start from scratch. The gains would have to be done again and the gym would welcome me back as a friend. I worked hard and tackled my depression and anxiety.... all with my supportive man, family, and friends beside me.

I visited my favorite place in the world... where my favorite people are... where the purple lilacs grow… I was surrounded by love and light.... and that little spark inside began to ignite.

With that visit I was offered another awesome opportunity.... to be part of a completely incredible community. A broader way was like nothing I ever did before... it was everything I could have imagined and more. It taught me so much about myself and my capabilities and how truly important helping others is to me.

It gave my confidence back and reassurance and an overwhelming endurance to keep going, that I matter, that I make a difference, that I help..... it was the most beautiful feeling I have ever felt.

The girls and staff there taught me more than they know and it was the perfect amount of love shown.To push me towards my next goal

I interviewed at my current job and fell in love with the place so hard. The staff I met blew away my expectations.... I was excited to start my journey without hesitation. I loved the teacher, the students, and my role in the classroom. It took some adjustments but we got into the groove.

I was excited to be back in the gym to start my fitness journey over again.

I was happy and back to a routine.... I was finally loving and living my dream. To be loved, happy, healthy and financially stable..... ohhhh but what a fable… Life seems to be one big lesson at a time and I guess I was right back in line… To get an unexpected setback... I honestly thought for the year I was all done that... But with a sudden rapid stop and slamming into a wall head first.... I was on my way from “not too bad” to worse. Back to the ER I go not fully understanding the amount of pain I would be carrying. My 6th severe concussion, vestibular brain damage, and whiplash.

Crazy how much your life can change in a flash.

The pain, the tears, anxiety, and fears. It was determined I would be out of school for the rest of the year. Multiple therapies and interventions to occur, not knowing for sure, when recovery will be 100 % complete but thank god there was no need to compete. No need to rush a brain that is retraining... no need to continue straining. There’s a sense of peace with the rest that’s been complete.

With time I’ve been given to start over and to be just chillin. A new sense of understanding and wisdom to be learned while growing. The beauty of the warmth inside that is glowing. To be centered and aligned with my true purpose and the divine… to know that this was all worth it.

This year was the year to see the true measure

of the strength within and how I will treasure,

the gifts it has brought me, the lessons that it has taught me, the love I have received greater than all, to be able to rise fall after fall, to show me my true friends and support system, to show me I am stronger than I’ve ever been, this year is the year I will hold forever in my heart, t

his year is the year that almost, but didn’t tear me apart.

Thank you 2019..... for being the year I finally found the strength within me!!!