Whiskered Workers for the Win
Dedicated fur-ployee delivers company cost savings
In a rapidly declining home office environment, Mr Binky the Tonkinese cat has emerged as an outstanding team member. He brings impeccable grooming habits and a model of serenity and peace, while also delivering hard savings to the corporate bottom line. I am delighted to nominate this feline force for the EmPAWyee of the Month award.
We are now 6 weeks into yet another lockdown in New Zealand - one of the strictest in the world. This inspirational cat, or fur-worker as we like to call him, joins a hastily constructed home office team consisting of myself and two juvenile skin-workers, aged 6 and 9. Many would believe training such a team would be an impossible task however we have achieved surprising success with the sweet cream-coloured blue-eyed pet, and we hope his actions will eventually inspire the others, who are sadly yet to show progress.
When we initially welcomed Mr Binky into the fold it was as a permanent house guest and there was certainly no expectation he would be needed to join us in the office. He came with little work experience and has undergone no formal training, however, has always been passionate about people and patting. Credit to him, he has willingly joined the team with no questions asked (in return for continued lodging and food).
Mr Binky is always the first employee to enter the office each morning and will greet everyone with nose bops, head nuzzles, and leg wraps. This tireless cordiality and display of positivity has a knock-on effect, melting the stress of even the most cantankerous of us suffering from company cabin fever and lockdown burn out.
He is an enthusiastic Zoom meeting contributor and will pop up on screen in meetings he is not even required to attend, bringing a source of lightness and cherished presence from what would otherwise be a monotonous meeting of bored humans. When his co-workers appear to be losing attention, he will wade his sleek tubular body across the Zoom screen like a dramatic fur curtain, shielding us from view so that we may yawn freely, roll our eyes, or mouth quiet profanities of despair.
Mr Binky is extremely considerate of his impact not only in the immediate makeshift office/bedroom but also of the facilities. Instead of using the staff restrooms throughout the working day, he takes himself off the property to discreetly relieve himself. This pursuit of privacy sees him clambering both over AND under a series of fences and hedges to an appropriate distance. Such a selfless act minimizes the task of cleaning and cuts down on waste disposal costs, while also forgoing any use of company toilet roll. I should add that other co-workers have been found hiding out in the bathroom making toilet paper swans whilst on the clock, which is both wasteful and mindless.
Always well-groomed, Mr Binky maintains his sleek appearance throughout the day, effortlessly touching up his corporate coiffure with a gentle flick of his tongue, like an English dandy from the 1920s. This unwavering commitment to grooming is in the face of a parade of old Ugg boots, bed hair, food-stained cartoon print flannel, and at times, blatant nudity.
He leads by example, taking exaggerated power naps as a gentle reminder to the team of the importance of taking breaks. This is not to say he is switched off from work, he remains on high alert while napping - should a housefly appear in the office space he will snap to work to hunt down the pest and ensure that the room is free of any other distractions, before settling back into slumber.
Unlike other colleagues I have known both currently and throughout my career, Mr Binky does not snack noisily on crunchy food while in the office. Indeed, he doesn't even eat his meals in the office, choosing to remove himself to the far corner of the kitchen where he faces into a low corner and gently takes his meals peacefully, if not shamefully.
Further to his valiant restroom sacrifices, we have realized significant overhead cost savings elsewhere from his concerted efforts. He continually assists with temperature control in the office by sharing his perpetual warmth by sitting in other team members’ laps, thus reducing expensive heating costs. He is able to do this through skillfully harnessing his own body warmth from sleeping folded over on himself for long periods, before generously sharing his hard work with others. This is particularly useful through a winter lockdown - especially after the boss has turned off the central heating to save money.
As you can see, Mr Binky is a fur-midable presence in our home office, and while not yet literate, he is litter-ate, loyal and full of catitude. Our company has no hesitation in nominating him for the prestigious accolade - Binky Boo for the win!