Missy Versus the Vets

8th March 2023

08:30

Mother, why do you insist on doing this to me? And on International Women's Day... the audacity.

Do you not enjoy when I sing you songs in the early hours of the morning? Or summon the neighbouring men to our front door?

You say you love it when I'm in an affectionate mood, but apparently arching my back and rubbing my butt against your foot is too far - make up your mind!

You also say it's for my own good… but have you seen that British Shorthair? The one that's ballooned up since he stopped going on the prowl. Is that what you want me to become?

We both saw that sphynx next door after she got done... it was not pretty. I suppose if I get a scar it will be hidden by my coat... but what if I feel it when I clean? Which you can't stop me from doing by the way - try putting me in one of those silly little vests and I WILL find a way to get out of it.

"I'll just put one of those inflatable cones on if she doesn't like the vest-" No you bloody won't. Do you really think I am going to be walking around with a big flower around my head, looking like a buffoon?! I thought you'd know me better by now.

*

09:00

Well then... I see my ranting was a complete waste of breath! I suppose it was stupid of me to think getting in the cat carrier meant you were going to make it up to me by taking me on a play date. Imagine how disappointed I felt when I realised we weren't arriving at Aunty Chez's house, but rather the vet - way to show me up, Mum.

Can we also take a second to talk about them saying they have to SHAVE me! I can't believe you didn't give me some warning... don't you know my long coat is what gets me attention? And don't even get me started about when she said my fur may grow back darker...

I suppose I owe you some credit for choosing a midline incision over flank, and I appreciate your persistent questions about which one would be safer for me, but I must warn you... we will be having words when we get home.

*

09:30

It's a bittersweet feeling getting moved from the waiting room to the operating theatre. It's a relief to be out of the eyeline of that big old basset who looked like he wanted to devour me, but my anxiety is through the roof.

Why is that stethoscope so bloody cold? Why is this lady getting out needles and other sharp pointy things? At least have some manners and knock me out first!

Oh and this, 'you're going to be okay', line that keeps getting thrown around - stop it - we all know it's not true. How can anyone be okay when they've got to be poked and prodded by a scalpel?!

If this is it, go tell the British Shorthair I'm sorry for making fun of his weight - If I get home in one piece, I too will be eating myself into a coma to try forget this horrid event. As for the sphynx, I stand by my word... she really does need some fur, or at least one of those silly little knitted jumpers.

*

09:40

A whole ten minutes spent chin-wagging about absolute nonsense whilst I'm sitting here getting ready for death... don't you have any consideration for your child? I almost thought you were going to back out of it and fall to my paws asking for redemption, but alas... here we are. Or should I say 'here I am', considering you've only gone and left me with the lady and her sharp pointy things - the nerve!

I hope you know that next time another cat comes near you trying to wipe their germy fur all over you, I won't be there to bat them away; you will have to fend for yourself.

8th March 2023

11:00

If I stare hard enough... maybe the room will stop spinning? Maybe, it just takes time... or, maybe, if I just close my eyes it will stop? But then how can I stand upright if my eyes are closed?

... lesson learnt, closing your eyes means you fall over. I'm not too mad about it... I suppose this spot is quite comfy.

As for the vest... It is pretty warm... but this secret stays between us.

13:00

I would really appreciate it if you stopped waving food around my face, I know it's been a whole 24 hours but I need to focus on standing up right now... how can you expect me to do that if I don't keep my head locked in this EXACT position? Don't you know what happened last time?

That doesn't mean leave me though! I mean... you can keep stroking me if you want - not that I need you here or anything...

13:30

Stuff it, some cuddles would be really nice right about now. And if you could play with the back of my neck that would be great... just don't move your hand any lower or else I won't have a choice but to attack your hand - you have been warned.

If you want to read more from Missy's diaries, check out her post from the day she met her little sister:

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