Lily: Chair of the Weekly Meeting

My cat is called Lily and she is 13 years old. Personally, I call her Kim KaTdashian (if you pardon the pun) due to the thickness of her fur and curvaceousness. She is extremely fluffy, overweight, spends the vast majority of time flat on her back and is a major home cat. If I were to attach a camera to her baby pink collar, you will probably find there's not a lot going on there apart from the occasional toss, turn and stretch. The vast majority of the time we know her whereabouts and location: her makeshift cardboard house. We even installed ventilation to stop the draft coming in!

However, every Sunday around 6 pm/7 pm (and this is true) my mum and I find that Lily is always desperate to go outside. She will sit by the backdoor and watch our every move until someone lets her out. Now, I equally like to go outside around 7 pm to have an evening stroll around the parks and have taken the same route for many years now. Repeatedly, at the same date, place and time you will always find at least eight or more different cats wandering around the area within close proximity of each other.

When I reported this strange fact to my mum, she turned around to me and said; "They are all having their weekly meeting". The weekly meeting! Who else is going to protect the humans from the cruelties of the world? Dogs? Not sly enough and can't sneak out the house without the owner panicking within seconds. Birds? Well, they do have a good view of everything but they aren't exactly pets. This is the job of the great feline.

I imagine they wait until dark to commence the meeting, as it would draw too much attention having cats sitting at a circle taking turns to "meow". So, why does Lily have to leave early? Simply because she's the Chair. She's one of the oldest cats on the block, in terms of age and amount of time living in the area. She also needs to be there in good time as her "fluffiness" (laziness) slows her down. If I were to play footage from the hidden camera, I imagine she would take her sweet time in her travels and take the human route to the meeting. Not the “let me just jump four fences because I’m a cat and get to my destination quickly” route. In all fairness to her, the last time she tried to jump our fence she ended up tearing a bit of it down because she didn’t quite manage to make it...

“Quiet everyone!” shouted Lily as she strolls 15 minutes late into the meeting circle.

“She’s late again...” whispered the black cat from Number 49.

“I heard that, Coco! Now, who is taking minutes today?”

That’s not all that Lily does when she's alone. There is one more thing, and we are all guilty of it, human or not. Eating food. We tend to eat a lot more of it when no one is home because no one is around to give you the “Wow, how can you eat all that?” look. Lily definitely does not hold back on her portions. How else is she so big? Yeah, she's definitely fluffy but the vet has had her on diet cat food for a good number of years now! Her food is weighed before it is given to her so we can maintain her health and longevity, but she's managed to still weigh the same 6.6kg for at least ten years (the average cat weighs approximately 4.5kg).

Lily is able to open doors that are ajar with her paws, even if it takes her a few tries. She even uses her head sometimes for extra support. If she can open bedroom doors, she can definitely open our food cupboards when no one is home. Why would she go for the food cupboards? (i) because she knows exactly where her food and treats are kept and (ii) because she is a lover of human foods. Tuna (of course), sweetcorn, yogurt, KETCHUP and I fed her peas once. I do have evidence of this but unfortunately cannot upload the video to show you. One of her personal favourites is vanilla ice cream and yoghurt (one thing we have in common).

I just hope she doesn't use the oven or any other electrical kitchen appliance when we're not watching... Then again, we've never caught her.

Furthermore, if I were to attach a camera to Lily it would be in hope to see if she’s friends with our next door neighbors cat, whom truthfully I don’t know the name, we just call him “Ginger”. Ginger lets me stroke him and sometimes even follows me when I’m walking past his house all the way up to my front door. “Is Lily home?” I presume he’s asking when he meows at me. Additionally, whenever Ginger is on our fence Lily doesn’t mind. In fact, sometimes she even goes close to him and it looks as if they’re speaking.

It’s a Monday morning and everyone is either at work or school. Lily managed to slip out the front door just before I closed it and waited patiently for me to drive off. She begins to walk, slowly as always, to next door and knock for Ginger.

“Ginger? You awake?”

Ginger jumps down off the fence and runs towards Lily. They both agree they will spend the morning at ours watching the movie Cats and Dogs on DVD.

3 hours later, a car pulls into a driveway.

“Quick! Out the back!”

Ginger runs out the cat flap through the back door and jumps over his fence and onto his shed to make sure everything is okay at Lily’s end. Lily managed to turn off the TV before anyone entered through the door.

“Lily Loo!” Where are you!”