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Dagney's Picture Dictionary: Vocabulary Lesson from a Dog

by Brenda Mahler 2 years ago in dog · updated 11 months ago
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A dog's Interpretation of new words in 2000's

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Hello, my name is Dagney. We’ve probably met before because Mom writes stories about me all the time — has never asked permission but what can I say. Really, what can I say?

As a pup, learning language was hard. When Mom said “sit” she meant stay. It took me awhile to realize on walks I didn’t have to place my butt on the cold, hard sidewalk at every corner. She just wanted me to stay so those human tuna cans didn’t squish my remains for a buzzard sandwich.

Learning the basic commands was a breeze, but I enjoy the practice. Each time I perform, I get a treat. I might be a dog, but I am not stupid. Treats, baby!

Lately, Mom has been talking to her human kids on this little TV that sits in the kitchen. She named it Alexis. Those kids talk strange, but I get it.

Recently, I’ve started a little project, a picture dictionary that shares a snap of me illustrating their words. I say words as a euphemism. They grunt noises and expect us to understand. Make up their own words if you ask me.

Sometimes I see Mom reading the Urban Dictionary. I think she’ll like my version better.

Sharent

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This is me when I first came home from the litter. Mom posted pictures every day on Facebook. Perfect example of a sharent (sharing + parent). If I wasn’t so darn cute back then, her friends might have ghosted her.

Ghost

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This is a picture of me ghosting mom. To avoid going for a walk, I ghost her until she figures out I am not interested.

Day one

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This is Kinsely, Mom’s granddaughter, and me when we first met. We were born the same month. She’s my day one.

Sus

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Examine Dad’s face. He looks sus, suspicious. When I was younger, I didn’t understand that dogs were not allowed in this store so I was chill.

Chill

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Chill means relaxed and going with the flow.

Attention whore

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Dad calls me an attention whore because I like to be near him. I don’t think it’s a very nice expression and don’t see a problem.

Sleep slut

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I know it is not nice to criticize the hand that feeds you but really, such language! Didn’t anyone ever tell Dad dogs sleep a minimum of 14 hours a day? What else is there to do? Furthermore, I was spayed long before this picture was taken so sleep slut is totally inaccurate.

Snatched

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This is me on the back of my Harley. I am looking really good, if I must say so myself. I am snatched. It doesn’t need to be defined because it is obvious; I am gorgeous.

Extra

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My parents bought me these glasses; said they protect my eyes. You may think I am being dramatic. But cruising down the road, cars pull up beside us and take pictures because they think I am extra. I am probably all over the internet but since I haven’t figured out Mom’s password, I can’t prove it.

Sorry not sorry

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The day this picture was snapped, I had just been bathed and groomed. When Mom took me for a walk, it was hot, so I jumped in the canal to cool off. She was not happy. Sorry not sorry.

RBF

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This is the look I give humans when they get angry with me. It’s called my resting bitch face, RBF. Even with my inability to speak their language, I think they get the idea.

Spill the tea

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In my short life, I have learned humans find me easy to talk. Dad never misses a chance to spill the tea and tell me the gossip. We have an agreement that I will not repeat anything shared in confidence.

Straight fire

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Chewing on my bone consumes most of my time — when I am not sleeping. They taste straight🔥🔥🔥 fire! The kids say that means super cool.

Sush

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This picture reminds me of a fun day on the lake. Dad caught what he called a fish. I heard the kids call it sush. When Mom asked for a definition, they said it’s cheap sushi and laughed. I don’t get the joke.

Netflix and Chill

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Every day is a new adventure in my family! I love to spend time with my humans but never miss a chance to Netflix and chill. This shows me doing that, so the meaning is p clear. In case you don’t know p is the ultimate shortening for pretty.

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My retirement hobby is to write stories that make readers laugh and appreciate the love of their furfriends.

Belief Statement: Humans make life too complicated. If we want to appreciate life, watch a dog for a day. They don't over think problems, perseverate on the impossible, worry about outcomes, or hold back affection. They see what they want, sniff it, lick it, roll in it and accept it.

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Happy tails. :)

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About the author

Brenda Mahler

Stories about life that inspire emotions - mostly humor.

Lessons about writing based on my textbook, Strategies for Teaching Writing.

Poetry and essays about the of art of being human.

I write therefore, I am.

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