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A Pittbull's Journal

by Caitlin Gonya about a year ago in satire
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June 2020

June 3rd: Mom has been working from home for 4 months now. It’s great because I can sleep in or lay beside her on wherever she is, she gives us treats throughout the day, and I can go outside whenever I want. This last thing drives Mom crazy because I learned some new tricks from Tatiana.

The first time I left the backyard was with Oberon. He kept freaking out, saying how Mom was gonna be mad and we should head back. I think what happened was that Dad didn’t latch the gate properly, so that’s how Oberon was able to open it. But I have seen Oberon unlatch it before. He is tall enough and his legs are long enough to push the latch backwards.

Anyway, I took off to the side of Bestie’s house. I wanted to see if Laila was outside, but she wasn’t so I went around to the front. Then I was distracted by all of these other scents. I knew there were dogs living in the other houses, so I just followed down the street.

At the end was another road, one that Mom and Dad have walked us down before, and I knew there were these two little Momo look-alikes there. As soon as they saw me, they started barking and running up and down the fence, so I chased too. I don’t know how long we were there, but I eventually heard Mom calling our names. Oberon was getting frantic, saying we needed to go. That Mom would be upset if we didn’t answer, but I was having so much fun.

Mom found us and she managed to get the leash around my neck when I ran by her. I admit that I was a bad dog, because I ran her over a couple of times, but I was just having so much fun that I didn’t want it to end. When she pulled me away, though, I began to feel how tired I had made myself, so I laid down on the grass. Mom was not happy, and looked like she might cry, but I didn’t have the energy to move.

I couldn’t believe it when she picked me up. I am not little, and Mom isn’t very strong, but she must have been really mad. She carried me all the way back home in her flip-flops! She had to put me down a few times, and Oberon didn’t make it any easier with his “I told you so” attitude.

When we got home, I thought it best to get away from Mom, so I went into the hallway. I could hear her telling people what I had done and how she got me home.

I really don’t think she liked the idea of carrying me as a new exercise routine.

June 16th: The next time I got out, put Tati’s lessons to heart. I put my paws up on the thicker bar of fencing and pulled while putting my back paws between the chain link. At the top, I proceeded to push off into the yard I wanted to be in. In this case it was the rude ones diagonal to my yard, behind Bestie.

I was just so excited to race with these new dogs that I didn’t hear the parents as they were yelling at us. Out of nowhere, the boy from the other side was jumping into the yard with me, but Yellow wasn’t letting him near, and Black Spot was chasing me.

Eventually, Yellow and Black Spot’s parents got their attention, and the boy grabbed me. He lifted me up towards the fence enough for Bestie to reach over and carry me. I was grinning, trying to tell Bestie about how fun it was. Mom was making sure the boy was able to get back over the fence. Apparently, he had jumped over without any shoes on.

When Bestie got to our fence, I knew my fun was over. Mom was seriously mad, and told Bestie to just “drop me” because there was no gentle way to put me down. He tried to lean over, but that was uncomfortable and my squirming made it difficult. The impact wasn’t that hard, and I was up, ready to start barking again, when Mom grabbed me. I knew she wasn’t shy about carrying me, but she wasn’t about to do so this time. Instead she dragged me to the house, forcing me inside.

She showed the video to Dad. I could tell he was trying not to laugh.

June 17th: Parents got in the big pool today. Oberon says that it is nicer than our small one. I’ve been watching him get in with Mom and Dad, and I have to admit I was curious to see what it was like. I knew that I didn’t have enough strength to get all the way over and up, but I figured I’d try pulling myself up like I do when I climb the fence. However, the second I jumped up Mom started yelling, “No, no! Wait, TBone! Wait!”

I had no intention of waiting, and plopped right in. I didn’t realize how deep the pool was. I don’t know why it never occurred to me that the inside was the same as the outside but I didn’t. So I fell under the water and realized pretty quickly that I couldn’t breathe.

Thank Dog that Dad was nearby. He lifted me clear out of the water, but I was so stunned I didn’t even bother trying to fight him. He and Mom were laughing once they knew I was okay, but I didn’t think it was very funny.

Once the shock had worn off, I wanted out, so I tried to swim to the edge. Dad got the idea and lifted me out, and gently jumped me down. I ran away to shake off, but heard Oberon thundering up behind me.

Apparently, the water gives Oberon more energy than normal. Not that he needs it.

June 19th: Jumped into the yard behind mine. Mom was screaming at me to knock it off, but the rude ones were out. If only Mom could understand what they were saying, she might have a different tune. Dad ended up following me, but he didn’t get to me before I tried climbing into the rude ones’ yard. Their mother was there, too. For some reason she screamed when I popped over the fence. No wonder her dogs are rude, they learned it from her.

“He really can jump, can’t he?” I heard her say to Dad. I hadn’t realized that he was behind me. The yellow dog wasn’t paying attention to me because he saw Dad. I watched as Dad got ready to jump over to get me, and then that jerk Yellow reached up and bit Dad!

Time seemed to stand still. I was full of anger, so I started yelling at Yellow. Telling him how I was gonna bite him back. I saw

Mom didn’t realize until later that I had ripped my dew claw. It was bleeding quite a bit, so she reached out to the vet as well as researched what she should do. Dad was busy trying to block the fence to keep me from climbing again. Best of luck there, Pops.

Anyway, the research told Mom to apply cornstarch to my wound, and when Mom was finally able to get a hold of Doc, she told Mom the same thing. So my claw was covered in cornstarch and later wrapped in gauze to keep me from licking it off. The stupid gauze was felt weird. Is this what humans felt when they wore socks? The slipping and the building up of sweat? Gross!

satire

About the author

Caitlin Gonya

I love reading. Everything and, just about anything, I can put my hands on. I was guided towards writing, so I started with book reviews, and am now feeling ready to showcase some of my stories. I would appreciate any constructive feedback.

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