You Are in Control

by Kay . about a year ago in self help

A Guide to Understanding, Accepting, and Relating to Controlling Your Life

You Are in Control

There will be many times in life where things may not appear like what they seem. We live in a world where no one has an example. Their example is either dead or alive. And some might even say that their example is a famous person, who they know nothing about. This idea of living bothers my soul because if you really think about it logically, we are all fake. We are all copying and pasting our lives to be like people we don't know. Including myself. How can I say that I live a life of control, but I'm underneath it? This kind of control is formed by society and I'm tired of adapting to it. I'm here to help y'all break this chain.

I don't know if anyone told you this today, but you are in control of your own life!

No matter the circumstances that you face on a day-to-day bases, you are always in control of your life and the people that you allow into your life. If you choose to give into your feelings of not being in control, this article isn't for you.

This formula is personal to me and it allows you to be in control of your life. These three steps vary and may be repeated:

  1. Understand that you're ALWAYS in control. Realizing this allows positive things to start to unfold in your life.
  2. Acceptyour reality because it's what you control! This is important in order to live in the present moment—and to always be reminded that you are in control.
  3. Relateto yourself and, in turn, be able to relate to others. This can be with relationships, sexual or non-sexual, and can ultimately have a positive impact on how you live your life.

Let's break it down. The dictionary definition of "understanding" is:

"An individual's perception or judgment of a situation."

This is pretty much self-explanatory...


The mind is a powerful weapon, but the problem here is that some don't know how to be or have an example of how to be in control. Let's start with thinking about your life or what you should or shouldn't have done... and erase it. It doesn't matter anymore. What matters is that you understand that everything you have done thus far is the makeup of who you are today. You can't go back and change it, you can't rewind it, and most definitely, you cannot fast forward it—but you can control it.

In that process of controlling your life, you have to think about positive outcomes, which led to positive steps that have to be made in order for those outcomes to become your reality. This isn't limited to the people you surround yourself with because they too have an impact on you.

Which brings me to the acceptance part of your journey of controlling your life. When you accept your reality, so many doors open for you so that you can have that "made up" reality that you thought would make you happy, but in turn, stressed you out! In knowing and accepting your reality, you are being present. Meaning you can make changes where they need to be made for you! Once that happens, you can identify the fake and the real, and you can have honest relationships with people because you know what you bring to the table.

Relating to yourself is the last part because it's the hardest. It's when you start to see your flaws and imperfections. It can get ugly if you aren't ready and don't fully have an understanding or acceptance of yourself, and the control you hold on your life. When you ignore and cheat, you lose yourself. You then start to figure that you need someone else to make YOU feel good about yourself, and that's when you start to test yourself to see how ready you are to trust someone else in your life. This can leads to negativity. Don't get lost in control, but control it.

When you aren't ready to move forward and you haven't completely controlled your life the best way you know how, negative things start to happen. The good thing about this formula, or those three steps, is that it starts off positive so you can always go back to positive, even if it starts or ends with a negative. Positives overcome negatives.

Once you have related to yourself and fought with yourself in that mental mirror, you can now experience other people because you experienced yourself at your worst times and best times. It becomes easier to understand, accept, and relate to the humans around you—and now you are the EXAMPLE!

We are the example.

These steps are to happen every day, or whenever you start to fall back and watch things go by and not do anything about it.


  1. "Surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you, not the stress in you."
  2. "Blocking isn't 'bitter.' It's self-care. This is your world. You are in FULL control of who is allowed to experience it with you."


self help
Kay .
Kay .
Read next: The Deception of Instagram
Kay .

I hope I'm a positive influence on somebody’s life.

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