Write here, write now

I loved to write. I still love to write. But I haven't consciously written for many years now. Back in the days of LiveJournal, Blogger, and when Wordpress was just starting out - around the turn of the millennium - I had a blog. It was real, it was honest, it was uncurated. Nobody knew me, except through my writing. And that allowed me to be relatable.

Then I started modeling. Then acting. And then Social Media changed the world. People started to curate. People started to curate everything. And people started to think they had a right to impose their thoughts and judgements on other humans simply because they had put themselves out there. People who, instead of inhabiting their real avatars, hid behind cartoon images and faceless pseudonyms. People who, unhappy with their lives, crawled out of their wormholes to poop on someone else's front porch. Sure, it shouldn't matter. But it was hella annoying to open your front door and step into poop all the damned time. And so it began, a slow withdrawal - starting with self-censorship, then with a drop in posting frequency... and then I stopped. I stopped writing altogether. I stopped doing something I enjoyed.

Funny thing is, I don't even know when that happened. One day, it just did.

In your teens, or even 20s, it's highly unlikely you'll have a true grasp of who you are. I know I didn't like myself very much in my 20s. Especially being in an industry where one's worth and existence depended on the external validation of the faceless masses and corporate higher-ups, it was hard to develop a strong sense of self. Because you want to please. You want and need the clients and casting people to like you so that you can land more projects. Everyone had an opinion and often, those opinions were conflicting.

Life though, is an amazing teacher, if you'll only allow her to teach you and respect her process. One day, you'll wake up in your 30s, and just decide that enough is enough - you've paid your dues, walked through multiple fires, and you know who you are, what you stand for, what you want to do, and what you don't want to, who you allow into your inner circle, who to keep at length... ain't nobody got time for that! It's almost like the first 30 years was a long-ass MMORPG tutorial that you've finally gotten through and now you're finally ready to get into some serious gameplay.

So this is me doing what I want. I've started writing again. Some people will like it, some people won't. And I'm okay with that. I'm freakin' living my best life studying Music Production here in Los Angeles. I want to remember these moments and share them. You never know who your story is going to resonate with.

So if you like it, stay and read. I've taken many detours in life and I'm proud of that. Each detour has brought me different sceneries, different people, and different experiences. I assure you, I've got some serious #storytime for y'alls.

And what if you don't like what I write? I'll just open my door, pick up the poop, and fertilize flowers in the backyard. Everything around us is energy - positive and negative emotions are an equally precious commodity if you know how to convert and repurpose them towards your vision. It sounds like metaphysical woo-woo but it's the truth.

In recent years, I've adopted a philosophy of resonating at my highest self and purpose - because those that are meant to stay will find a way, and those who bear me ill will fall away. It's simply the Law of the Universe.

But that's another story for another day.