Why I'm Starting A Blog?

This post has been edited and taken from my website, if you want more content head over there!

For those who don’t know me very well, my name is Connor McCorkindale, I’m a 23 year old musician and now I’m a blogger! For those who do know me, I’m sure this is the last project you would imagine me starting, truth be told, I’m a little surprised myself. I have never seen myself as much of an outspoken person, I tend to keep most of my opinions to myself, being a vegan teaches you the skill of choosing when to voice your thoughts! Lately though, I’ve discovered a more creative side to myself, a more focused side.

Holiday Blues.

Over the holidays I spent a lot of time by myself, due to the virus and lockdowns I have been furloughed, and mostly restricted to my flat (like so many others) in which I share with my beautiful girlfriend Samantha. Even though I have been furloughed, Sam is a key worker and she’s still working 35-40 hours a week so I had a lot of time to think about the year just passed (the shit show), and the year ahead (thank god).

These thoughts were not always positive ones, I’ll be honest, the majority were quite hard to deal with. I really struggled to find any motivation, any inspiration and frankly I had no idea what my purpose was. I know that sounds a little dramatic but I’ve played drums for almost ten years now and I’ve never doubted that passion as much as I have in the last month. Now for me, that was terrifying, how could I be doubting the one thing that has been with me since I was 14? I’ve dedicated countless hours to practicing, spent thousands of pounds on gear, lessons and a degree, yet my brain was telling me ‘nah you wasted your time, get a real job’. I sat my table eating my cinnamon granola, sipping my coffee, staring out the window completely unaware of who I am and what the hell I’m doing.

My biggest issue was that I could not find anything more appealing that sitting in front of the TV and playing FIFA. I had no work ethic, no motivation, no drive left in me to practice, to record music or to complete that website I’d been designing for almost two years. Like so many others, I always saw myself as a live musician, well there’s none of that at the moment so I continuously asked myself ‘why bother practicing when there’s nothing to practice for?’ A question I think many musicians have asked themselves over the past year. I started to look back on my life and saw so many projects that just were never completed. I realised that so many times I’ve started something, but lost the motivation, the drive, and that work ethic to see a task through. This started to worry me, I wondered whether I had it me to simply make my lunch, let alone become professional musician.

I can’t remember what I was doing, probably watching a youtube video about footballs funniest own goals or something. Out of nowhere, I just opened up a blank document and started typing. I wrote for about an hour without stopping, without checking or reading back what I wrote, I was just typing. I titled the page ‘I Wish I Was A Hard Worker’, because I’d been thinking exactly that, and I really let loose. It was like my subconscious just took over and started spilling thoughts onto the page, thoughts I had no idea even existed.

Now this opening blog has already started of quite personal, and I want it it to be that way, but I am definitely not ready to share what I wrote on that blank document. I’m talking self realisation, childhood reflections, brutal yet truthful comments on my character, this is not a document for the faint hearted. Quite frankly it doesn’t matter what I wrote, the only thing that matters is that it sparked something in me. It was like I was now aware of who I am and who I want to be, and that those things are often very different things.

Finding my Purpose.

So now I’m coming to the more positive part of this story. The part where I explain why I’ve created this website and why I’m writing this when I could be ruining scrubs on Fifa, literally the controller is right here. Yet I don’t feel tempted (much), because now I’m doing something that I truly care about and it’s been a while since I’ve felt that.

Accountability, that will be a word you may hear a lot on this blog, after all that’s the purpose. Originally the reasons that started this blog were purely selfish ones. I was losing the battle with my work ethic and I needed a tool to kickstart my desire to succeed and grow. Yet the more I thought about it, the more I wished I had a similar blog to read when I was losing my purpose. I started to realise that the content I want to create could be useful to those who have been struggling with defining themselves, and their purpose, like I have.

This blog will act as a public display of all that I wish to achieve, the methods I intend to use, and the progress I make, whether it be big or small. Before I started this blog, I had none of that, and no pressure to complete my projects and reach my targets. So I asked myself, ‘if I talk about my goals, ideas and the methods I wish to use publicly, how can I justify not practicing them privately?’. This created accountability, a sense of responsibility to practice what I preach. So here are my goals for the first quarter of the year:

It may not seem like a lot but when broken down, the tasks start to mount up. The first goal consists of the practicing, recording and editing of ten different songs, alongside the accumulation of photos, bios, and knowledge of website design. All of this whilst trying to keep up my own practice schedule. Funnily enough, I have the exact same document but tailored towards this blog, which I will display at a later date.

The Blog Itself.

The methods I use to achieve these goals will be presented as individual blog posts, once a week for the duration of the quarter. Blog entries will consist of productivity philosophies, monthly updates on my progress (providing accountability), and few habit change challenges I’ll be undertaking.

Everything I do on this blog will have to adhere to the three values that the idea was built on: Honesty, Integrity, and Progress. When conceptualising the blog and its content, I thought is was important to have a way of measuring the value and intention of my posts. This way l always know if the content I create is truly beneficial to myself and all who read it, whilst making sure I never lose sight of it’s core purpose.

Honesty: Possibly the most important. If I am not truthful about my experiences, success and failures, then any credibility I have gets thrown out the window. With honesty I can create a website where people believe that my intentions are genuine. I do not wish to ‘pull the wool over anyone’s eyes’.

Integrity: Everything I do must be upheld to strong moral principles. I truly want develop myself as a person and help those who are in similar positions. Nothing on this blog will be posted, created or recommended if it does not benefit all whom it affects.

Progress: All content must serve towards some kind of progress. If it doesn’t act as a tool to better my own or others personal development, then it doesn’t belong on this website.

Summary.

It’s probably worth admitting that I am shit scared to start this blog. I’ve often suffered from anxiety when thinking about how others think of me, not crippling anxiety but it certainly isn’t pleasant. My lack of confidence when dealing with negative opinions about myself however, is why I’m doing this. I don’t want to be held back by what other people think, it kills my ambition, creativity and motivation and I’m bored of it. So when reading this, please know that it’s taken a lot of courage for me to do this, and that I hope it shows the honesty and sincerity of my intentions.

So this is my blog, it’s fairly sparse at the moment but soon that will change. If you enjoyed it then I would be incredibly grateful if you could like and share it (classic). I’d love to hear what you think as well so please let me know down in the comments! If not then I simply appreciate you taking the time to read my first ever piece of writing, that is truly enough. For those who are interested in following my blog you can sign up for email updates with the form below and you’ll be notified whenever I post a new entry!

I know it’s a bit late but Happy New Year everyone, I hope 2021 is much kinder to you. Thanks again for reading and have a lovely evening!

Connor McCorkindale.