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Who are you?

How do you know me?

By Jordan CasarezPublished 4 years ago 4 min read
2
Reveal yourself

Who are you?

I sense you presence but have no relation to you. You peek your head out from the shadows with that wicked grin. Haunting me, waiting to pounce on my every move like a lioness in the grass. Stalking me like prey making my good times only seem like a split-second in my lifetime. You may smile that friendly smile but your intentions aren’t pure.

The question is who are you?

What do you want?

Is it my happiness? My joy for life? Do you long to take the very breath from my body? Your smile now a evil grin as your intentions to drown me into the depths of sorrow and pain showing itself. I’m fighting against it but it pulls me back like a riptide. No longer am I feeling in control of myself. Is this what you want? Pain. Suffering. Tears of sorrow.

Why are you here?

Your motives aren’t entirely known but it’s not pure of heart. The way you laugh at me in my struggle to fight against it all wears on me. The way you continue to pull at me once I gain ground is tiresome. Is this what you want? To remind me of all my wrongdoings, transgressions, and pain I’ve caused over the 29 years of my life?

Your torture on me by bringing back memories of my wicked ways. Your words of reminder forcing me into a reactionary response and triggering emotions I swept under the rug. Now seeing red, you’ve clouded my judgment and mind. Is this why you are here?

When is enough, enough?

Are you not entertained?

You’ve got my soul drained, body and mind weary, and my heart aching. Yet, you still laugh and torture. Gladiatorial battles being waged whilst you watch in pure delight. You’re constant onslaught of attacks wearing me down as blood streams down my face, tears roll down from my eyes and my body burning in pure agony!

BROKEN. BATTERED. BRUISED.

But this is where I stand...

Whatever you want from me you can’t have. No matter how hard you try, I’ll defy. You conquest to drag me into deep waters and drown me in depression and pain will prove futile.

You want my life?

YOU CANT HAVE IT!

My life has been taken already. My heart and soul was strengthened in the fiery wells of love. My family — and our future as one— the driving force to fight.

With this, your desire to make me feel pain is irrelevant. Your want on my life, unimportant. Your bloodlust for MY suffering is no longer empowered. Your tactics to cause pain, anguish, and defeat is now working against you.

You speaking death on my life is doing you no favors. In fact, it solidifies my desire to fight. It drives me to push through that pain and work past whatever you have to throw my way.

In my last act of defiance, I sense your plan falling apart. In this moment, you start to become familiar to me. No longer do I see “red” from the anger, the pain, the guilt and shame. No longer is my vision blurried from the blood of our battles.

In these final acts of battle, your insecurities of loss not become the weapon of choice to end your life. As I raise my sword to strike you down for good......I realize who you are.

YOU ARE ME. I AM YOU.

Not me in the present tense, but me in the past. As my blood leaves your corpse like a river flowing out to sea, I see my past desires: fame, lust, greed, selfishness.

In this realization, sorrow falls upon me. No longer do I cry tears of fear. These tears are that of fatigue and pain. Both emotions rolling over me because never had I imagined a death of myself by my own hands. To see your body breathe it’s last breath as I breathe a breath of life....brings a blend of peace and sorrow.

Never did I desire to kill more than in those final moments. Never did I desire to see life leave a body like when I struck you down. Never did I see my death in yours. Everything you represented done with....

I put my hand upon your eyes and close them shut. I sit there, both knees in the muck of our war, silent. I get up, recollected, dropping my sword and shield and walk away.

Goodbye old friend. Good riddance.

No resurrections this time.

self help
2

About the Creator

Jordan Casarez

Owner of JuggernautSC LLC on Oahu, HI. I grew up playing sport(mostly baseball and football) and have been a performance coach at for over 8 years.

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