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When Your Friend’s Happy News Fills You with Envy Instead of Joy

"He's a character of very few men to respect without being jealous of a successful friend." ~ Aeschylus

By Samyog kandelPublished 3 years ago 5 min read
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When Your Friend’s Happy News Fills You with Envy Instead of Joy
Photo by Spikeball on Unsplash

It's crazy, isn't it?

Your best friend is sharing some great news. Say all the right things and show the right emotions. But inside he burns. Instead of feeling truly happy, you are filled with jealousy.

It's not that you're a bad person. You really want to be happy with your friend. You really want to get rid of these feelings of jealousy. But for now, you can't.

When the Blue-eyed Monster Takes Me

A few years back my best friend told me she was pregnant. I answered with the right smile, said the right words, and expressed the right emotions. But with each smile, voice, and act of joy, I died a little inside.

The first time I felt lonely, I cried bitterly. It seemed wrong that while I was trying unsuccessfully for more than four years, she got pregnant within a month of taking the pill. She wasn't even sure if she wanted a baby!

Although all of this was bad, I felt so bad that I had those feelings in the first place. He's always been a good friend to me, and here I am, seemingly never happy about him.

I tried to use common sense — I changed my jealousy with gratitude, looked at all the good things I had, and stopped worrying about what I didn’t have. But I have found that the hard way is not the way it works in real life.

I was worried. I was afraid that if I didn't go along with it, I might lose my best friend. Worse yet, I would have to dismiss myself as an aggressive, hateful person.

It took a lot of effort in the end for this situation to come out without damaging my friendship or letting it infiltrate my soul. Here are some of the lessons I learned along the way:

1. Jealousy is a strong sense of belonging that you can get rid of by wishing or being willing to leave.

No one wakes up in the morning thinking, "Today I'm going to feel unhappy with my friend's happiness." (At least I don’t trust it!) And then, sometimes when we want something bad and then find out that our friend got it instead, it fills us with jealousy. It's not fun. Not acceptable. But it is there.

Just because you don’t like it, you can’t wish for it or you will leave it.

Studies have found that stress is often ineffective, and it can actually increase the frequency of depressed thoughts.

In a study, researchers found that subjects asked not to think about the confusing white bear could not stop thinking about it. Some studies have explored this ongoing debate, and support the finding that trying to suppress the mind is simply too much to bear.

So first thing, stop trying to get rid of these thoughts. Accept them as they are - normal feelings from the average person.

2. Nail down the source of your jealousy to let the person who made you jealous without the hook.

At first glance it might seem like the person who made you jealous is the source of your jealousy. However, if you dig a little deeper, you may find that your motive for being jealous has little to do with the person who has expressed the feelings.

Personally, the real source of my feelings was that I really wanted a baby. Sure, the fact that my friend got what I didn’t envy, but the source was my need and my fear that my need would not be met.

3. Let this knowledge lead you to personal growth rather than anger and resentment.

You currently have the option. You know you want something but you can't have it. Will you be angry with those who do not know you, or will you make peace with the way things are?

I knew there was nothing my friend could do about my inability to conceive. I also saw how unreasonable it was to expect that no one on earth would have a child simply because I could not.

It did not mean that I had lost my temper right away; I still desperately wanted to find out what my friend had. But separating the source of my feelings from someone made me able to feel happy about him, despite my ongoing feelings of jealousy.

Slowly, I began to feel happy about her pregnancy and the opportunity to experience the miracle of the baby through her.

4. Focus your attention on the source of your jealousy, instead of trying to eliminate the feeling.

Your jealousy may stay here — for a while. Instead of fighting, talk to your source.

I knew in my heart that four years was a long wait for me to have a baby. But I hated dealing with it directly. When I saw how easily I fell into this blue-eyed beast, I knew it was time to get my head out of the sand and deal with this issue.

I began treatment for infertility. My friend was there next to me as my main source of support for this emotional roller coaster. On the other hand, I was able to share with her the joy of her pregnancy. In fact, it was a great encouragement to continue the hard days when all I wanted to do was give up and roll on the ball.

I finally got lucky. Five months after the birth of her son, my daughter was born. Our friendship survived the ordeal.

The Beast With Blue Eyes Is Not Far Away

I could stop right there, and that would be a good place to start this story. But I promised to keep this a reality, so here's another one.

The year I got my daughter, some of my closest friends had their first children, in addition to this. It was as if the stork had announced a “friends and family” advertising event.

In the years that followed, however, it became clear that my little tryst and stork was over. All my friends had their second children, but my efforts to raise a family did not end there.

While my friends were getting pregnant and having babies, I watched their growing bellies and later, their little bundles of joy eagerly.

self help
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About the Creator

Samyog kandel

I am a passionate writer, trying to inspire other through my story..

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