When Gratitude Feels Wrong

We tend to focus on what we don’t have.

We tend to experience life from a position of lack.

Gratitude requires us to shift our focus outward, examining the good things in our life.

We have very little control over some of them.

• Winning the birth lottery is one.
• Our genes, our country of birth, our parents and families, are all decided before we are born.

Everyone tells us practicing gratitude is healthy.

It’s good for our mental health.

It’s a shift toward emotional maturity.

We work so hard at being grateful.

We create gratitude journals, meditative practices, and focus on meeting a daily obligation to practice.

• It’s yet another goal to strive for.

Sometimes when we talk about gratitude, the concept comes with a sense of obligation, instead of a genuine feeling of appreciation.

That sense of obligation exists when you are told to “be grateful for what you have.”

If you are being reminded to be thankful for your present circumstances, it creates a duty to be grateful for what you have or where you were born.

You are reminded that you are much luckier than others in the world.

Be grateful for your food.

My parents used to tell me there were starving children in the world so I should eat all of my vegetables.

That generated the negative energy of resentment, which defeated the purpose entirely.

The Cambridge dictionary defines gratitude as “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.”

This defines gratitude as being thankful FOR something.

It also puts your focus on BEING READY to be thankful.

When we think about it in this way, the word gratitude has the energy of receiving.

The energy of receiving often comes with a sense of obligation and that’s not what I’m hoping for when I want to feel gratitude.

I was hoping to ‘be’ thankful, not ‘be ready’ to be thankful.

Appreciation is a different sort of feeling.

It approaches gratitude from another perspective.

The Cambridge dictionary defines appreciation as "the act of recognizing or understanding that something is valuable, important".

When you recognize and enjoy something, you are no longer in a state of readiness, you are in a state of being.

The word appreciation vibrates with the energy of gratitude.

I like the word appreciation better.

Instead of being ready to be thankful, which is gratitude, I like to recognize and enjoy something, which is appreciation.

Appreciation contributes to the feeling I want to have when I think of being grateful.

It occurs in the present moment, instead of the future.

How to Live in the zone of appreciation.

It’s easy to experience appreciation every day.

Shift the focus on recognizing and enjoying things in your life.

• Recognize the abundance of food you have access to and enjoy it when you experience it.
• Be aware of your surroundings and savor the smells and tastes.
• Enjoy your friends and family as you connect with them in large and small ways.

When you write in your gratitude journal (maybe rename it), appreciate the feel of the paper, and the quality of the ink flowing from the pen.

Enjoy the gift of time to write and reflect.

Be thankful for your thoughts.

• Appreciate yourself in each moment.
• Appreciate yourself as you walk, play music, or enjoy nature.
• Take yourself on a date. Choose it because you enjoy it.

Appreciation is an important part of self intimacy.

When you practice appreciation, it contributes to your understanding of the world.

It also allows you to become more aware of yourself. When you appreciate yourself, you begin to find out what you enjoy and your body and spirit become supported in your actions.

If you appreciate yourself in tangible ways, you are literally showing yourself love and care.

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This story also appears on Medium by Tree Langdon, the author.