Whatever you need.

The idea of the knight riding in on a white horse and saving you is instilled in your psyche as a child. We all would like to be saved in some way , shape or form. but it takes a sudden life event to help us to think of ourselves as the saviors of ourselves. Why is this so? Why is it so far fetched to us adults that have been taught that we need to be saved? I have found that it begins as a child. the idea is put into our heads that as a young girl, I would find a man that would come and save me from my everyday nightmare of the single life and we would build this beautiful life together, without any problems. That didn't happen, so I found myself at the age of 41. And we were divorced, jobless and depressed. Bitter about the way we allowed others to mistreat us an use us . Just bitter about issues from my child hood and feeling like I couldn't forgive anyone, especially myself. I wanted to punish myself for being weak. For having expectations that were unreal, and for not standing up for myself as the Queen that I was. I began to learn as much as I could about self healing. And not blaming yourself , but forgiving yourself for everything, including the hurt and pain that I inflicted upon others. Learning how to hold myself accountable was easy.. Holding others accountable, not so much.. To be completely honest it actually took me a few months. But the feeling of the weight lifted off of me was a great feeling. So I started learning other ways of healing myself ands I must say that I am very proud of how far we have come in our healing. Yes, I know that we are nowhere near healed , but the act of taking my healing into my own hands was liberating for me. Showing up for myself everyday has been medicine for my soul. Finding people that actually want to teach and interact with the lessons are a God send to my little movement of self healing. I say "little movement" because its my own healing. When I begin to help others , I envision a ripple effect out into the world... I can see the vision as clear as day... And it feels good... every day...

Who were you before they told you who you were? I can honestly say that I did not know whom I was outside of the roles that I was taught to play. I was raised to be a mother, run the household. Take care of my husband and family duties that went along with becoming a wife. When I found myself at 18 , no children, no boyfriend nor a fiance, I felt as if i was lost. with no purpose. I was never shown how to make a living without children, so I would do what I saw others do that didn't have children.. Obviously I looked to the wrong ones because I eventually found myself in a bad place. Depressed, no feelings of self worth, no self love. Everything and everyone around me was more important than me and what I needed...looking back, I felt so much anger and resentment for myself. I blamed myself for being weak . Making thoughtless decisions. How do you come out of a space like that? How do you re discover your happy , messy , loving self the was lost in the whirlwinds of your life? You get to yourself. You remember the you before the pain. You start remember the things that truly makes you happy. All the while remembering you.. I love this place.. I love this space. Do whatever you need to do to heal yourself..