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What the death of my father taught me

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By Niña Bless ChavezPublished 5 months ago 5 min read

I wasn’t really prepared when my father died, although, I felt that something bad would happen to him that time.

Our sembreak was very short. After a week my father passed away, I continued college. I don’t want to stop because I want to graduate on time. Also, we were the last batch in the old curriculum, (kami yung batch na hindi nakaranas ng Senior High). So, I continued with the help of my uncle, who was a school lawyer. Pinasok niya ako as a student assistant sa isang private school, with the same course. My job was very light that time because I am a nurse's assistant. It will turn stressful when you see students attacking because of asthma and other serious diseases.

A year later, I paused and reflect. That’s when I started to read my Bible. As I was writing down, I asked, 'Am I really grieving well?' I want to be honest with myself, because I felt that I didn’t. I felt everything seems okay. Siguro, sa dami ng trabaho, ganap sa school, hindi ko na siya napapansin. But whenever I am bored, I always go back to how I lost my father. I spent the whole night crying, listening to sad songs which dad used to play.

Until I want to transfer to another school and move out, things like I want to move on. There were times, I don't show up at work, I don't attend school anymore, I'm jailing myself at my room, no energy for hang-outs.

Until I was diagnosed as having a bipolar mood disorder. I took medicines and consultation depending upon the time recommended by my psychiatry.

With all these things after my father died, I learned that there is a space for weakness and vulnerability.

“A time to breakdown and a time to build up;

A time to weep and a time to laugh,

A time to mourn and a time to dance,”

-Ecclesiastes 3:3-4

Because when we cry, we are helping ourselves to release our emotional burdens. It lessens our stress, and realizing that we are humans and have limitations. But while we have limitations, we have an unlimited God.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”

-Philippians 4:13

With God, we can recognize that grieving isn’t our final destination. The reality can tell us that are loved ones are already dead, but God tells us that our hope and our future isn’t. The reality can tell us that it’s hard to move-on from the death of someone, but the truth is that we can go through it. The reality can show us how terrifying death is, but truth will show that God had gave His only Son to us who fought death on the cross and showed up after three days.

While grieving for my Father, I always bring these hopes that keep me going:

1. I am grieving, but I’ll get through it.

Ernest Hemingway said in his quote, that the world is broken, but there are few who remained strong at the broken places. Jesus also said that a house who has a strong foundation cannot be overcome by waves, earthquake and tsunami. It’s the same with people. We can grieve, but God will send friends and family who will comfort us. Importantly, He is the safest place where we can cry out all our burdens. Our grieving is seen and heard. We are not forgotten.

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you,

and rivers shall not overwhelm you,

when you walk through the fire, it shall not burn you,

and the flame shall not consume you,”

-Isaiah 43:2

When you go through grieving, He is with you. You are heard and seen.

2. I am not fatherless, because Jesus became a father to me from the very beginning.

At first, I though Jesus cannot replace my father. How can I trust someone who is invisible, saying ‘fear not for I am with you’? Pero nagkamali ako nung na-realize ko na, hindi lahat ng bagay kakayanin ko especially grieving. I need God more than ever. But I can be reminded that even from the day I was born, Jesus became my father. He called me his daughter and was there all the days of my life. He created me and planned me, not by accident, but by His love and mercy.

“I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you,”

-John 14:18

3. We are moving on because something new will happen.

Moving on is the greatest achievement for those people who loss a loved one. God wants us to get over from our past, shame because these things can just tear us down, knowing that He wants us to have a good future. We are moving on in life, because God has still a purpose for us. He is about to make new things in our life that cannot be compared to who we are and to what we have done in the past. We don’t have to be afraid of change because He is the one moving around. And we cannot move on if we are still dwelling on the past.

If you are still grieving right now, I want you to know that it is a process. It takes time, and the Lord is at work in you. We can never figure out the reason why these bad things are happening, but one thing is for sure: that God has planned it all. He can be trusted and tested.

self help

About the Creator

Niña Bless Chavez

Former English instructor. Licensed Professional teacher but trying to go back in writing and make it as another career and develop. Experienced campus journalist and a script writer for school plays.

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