What It's Like to Change Direction
And Why I Think It's a Beautiful Thing
Here I am, a 21-year-old student who thought he knew what he was doing. Does that sound familiar?
I have a passion for art. Specifically, music. I have been creating, learning, and loving music since the beginning of time (well, my time). I have always dreamed of being a musician in a band, ever since I was a small child growing up in the early 2000s. I wanted to play music for thousands of people, and more importantly, I wanted to be famous. This is what I thought as a child, and when looking back on my dream, I knew I had achieved it (to an extent).
The more I grew, the more I expanded my musical circle, and by the time I was in high school, I was playing on tour with the high school rock band, and I was booking my own local shows with my own band. After high school graduation, I went to my local college for music, and exited two years later with a diploma in general music, majoring in electric guitar. During those two years, I met some incredible people, played some incredible shows with some beautiful Canadian bands, and finally narrowed down my musical passion a little further. I found my love for "jazz" music, and I wanted to continue my study in it further.
Here we are, coming to the end of my first year out of my hometown, into one of the top jazz institutions in Canada. This is what I always dreamed of, right? Wrong. My dream has shifted so many times, I don't even remember all of the times I've changed my mind. I always knew I wanted to be in the field of music, and for the longest time, I thought that meant being a performer. I thought that meant a couple of things:
- Getting a band
- Getting shows
- Touring, writing music, and living the "performing musician life"
It was in very recent events that I realized that maybe this field isn't where I wanted to focus my energy. "But this is your childhood dream! You've come so far!" Who cares? I have finally realized that chasing my dreams really means finding out what you want at the moment and going for it. At that time, I definitely wanted to tour and perform. Even during my college years I still wanted to perform, but I had all these other thoughts running through my mind. "Maybe I want to be a music professor. Maybe I want to dive into music history more." It was at this point where I realized that there were other options within music besides performance and to me, that was a life-changing moment. I finally knew that I could still be in the field of music no matter what I decided to do with my life. The best part? I still don't know what I'm doing!
This is something I have only been able to accept recently. It doesn't matter what you are doing, as long as you love what you do. I love music, therefore if I am working in the field of music. I will continue to look forward to what will come in my life. Now I am working on original compositions, composing music for short films, as well as a new found love, The Alexander Technique, which has not only helped me move forward and past my repetitive stress injury but has helped me to find a deeper understanding and meaning to life itself. In the future, I may look forward to writing more about music and its relationship with the universe we live in, who knows? No matter what I am doing with my life, following my passion and drive for art and music is always in the underlying context of what I am doing.
The reason for this post? I have no idea. Maybe you are looking for inspiration through others, and this post will help you find drive when you feel lost. Maybe this post is just for myself, releasing stress in the form of writing about my life. Who knows? All I know is that I have no idea what's to come, and I am in love with that thought. You should be too.