What I Want To Be When I Grow

When you're little the first question you get quite often is, ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’ It's honestly a stressful question. One I've been stressing about my whole life.

Little me really didn’t know how to answer that question.

When I was very little I wanted to be a ballerina, because what little girl doesn't want to be graceful, and beautiful, twirling around in the air. (oh look how far I've fallen) I got a little older I wanted to be for some reason, an interior designer. I still think I would make a pretty good interior designer in all honesty. For some reason I was really obsessed with the house channel, HGTV; I couldn't stop watching renovation shows. They were so entertaining honestly.

For a very long time, I wanted to be a YouTuber, that was a whole phase, and honestly maybe where I ended up at, except maybe not YouTuber but something very akin to it.

After that, I thought about being a writer, or a therapist, I would make a terrible therapist; I talk too much. I thought about making films, I thought about doing theater, I thought about doing theater tech because I wasn't very good at the theater but I really liked it.

I think my goals have been in the back of my mind all along, and I just didn't want to talk about them. They sound a little out there, they make me sound like I have big dreams and I'm not sure if I've ever been the type to have big dreams.

I would really love to do three main things:

the first thing I would love to do is start a digital media production company. Something like BuzzFeed but hopefully not cringe. I want to open up a production company and start developing and producing the films, the content, the Instagrams, blog posts, the TikToks of creators who may not have access to equipment or studio space. From experience, I know what it's like to go from not having any equipment, and not having anything to work with, not being able to create what you want, to suddenly having the access to those materials. It is so incredibly helpful in cultivating an online following, being able to get access to those materials and it has been absolutely life-altering in terms of my online career. I’d love to give others access to the materials that allow me to create better online content. I am so fucking fortunate to have like a nice set, a nice ring light, (yeah it's a shitty ring light but it's a nice ring light it works) I'm so fortunate to have all the cool clothes. I have a father who is willing to put up with me. I want to be able to share that with other people, I want to produce their content. I know that wouldn’t make money well, but as long as I make enough money to like get myself a place to live and food I'm good putting the money back into the company. That would be I think my biggest goal creating a digital media production company. There’s nothing in production at such an entry-level. You have to know someone who knows someone who knows someone and that's how the entertainment industry works. It makes it really hard for anyone to break in. The Internet has made it so so much easier, however, the Internet is becoming a little more like the traditional entertainment industry, so someone is going to need to start to think Who's going to keep thinking about the little guy on the Internet well the big people are all solidifying themselves now.

My second goal would be to create lots and lots of lesbian movies. I want to make movies about all sorts of lesbians, I want them to be the exact same as straight movies but just with lesbians. I will add nothing groundbreaking, I will add nothing amazing, I will just put lesbians into the scenarios I want to see them and in because that's all movies should be. I want to see all sorts of lesbians, literally, all of them, give me all the lesbians. If any lesbians would like me to turn their love story into a TV show that would be super cute. First, a short film and then go on creating longer things, hopefully, if I ever got funding for that. I would probably stay on the directing/production side. If you’re in the direction and production side you have a hand in everything. I think I really like that having a hand in everything, I'm someone who has the vision but not necessarily talent. I acknowledge that my talent is sometimes lacking but that is why other people have and give them money.

The third thing I would really love to do is to start a clothing and makeup lines. I really like clothes I think they're fun. unfortunately, the fast fashion industry kills them. I would hopefully want to create something much much much much much more eco-friendly and sustainable because that is what I'm always on my favorite friend brands about is being more eco-friendly. I would want to create just a cool ass make up line. I would want to create a makeup line of makeup that I wanted to wear, which means it would be funky as fuck. These are my professional goals.

My other goals are pretty normal I want to get married and do all that stuff. I want to travel a lot. I would love to be able to fucking travel everywhere. I want to have all the pets I want a cow, and a dog, and all the cats, and a bird, I would love a bird. I want to be content with my days I want them to pass me by with ease.

Finally taking the time to establish career goals has been a huge weight off my shoulders. It's the start of a lifelong journey that now excites me more than terrifies me. So ‘what do I want to be when I grow up’, I want to be a producer, director, a designer, and I want to do it all very very gayly and peacefully.