SELF-ESTEEM DEFINED
It is interesting how sometimes a person you've never met can walk into a room and you can detect if they have high or low self-esteem; a timid voice, poor social skills, a lack of assertiveness, or the opposite, like an aggressive nature all point to signs of low self-esteem. But a head held high, a wide smile, a confident humble kind demeanor, these are all qualities of someone with high self-esteem. Everyone wants it but unfortunately, we cannot achieve it by snapping our fingers. Self-esteem is a complex concept, so let us start with the definition.
Our self-esteem is based on how much we value ourselves and how confident we feel in life. To be clear it is different from self-confidence. Our self-confidence is wrapped up in our ability to do something successfully. Self-esteem is our sense of how worthy and capable we are. It refers to the extent to which we like, accept, and approve of ourselves. Now we all have higher opinions of certain aspects of ourselves and lower opinions of other aspects, so the question is where do these opinions come from.
The good news about self-esteem is that it's possible to improve with the right tools and an effort to change and with a newfound sense of self-worth we have the ability to become centered and confident in our true self.
Take a moment to reflect on some things such as specific areas you want to improve that affect your self-esteem. Perhaps your physical appearance and body image, your relationships, Confidence in the romance Department, work career and education, health and fitness, or your habits and behavior.
The idea here isn't to judge ourselves. it is merely to gain insight. Deepening our awareness is the first step towards change. A change that will inspire a more balanced and positive reflection of who you are. Rather than berating yourself of short comings, learn to view them as opportunities for growth. Rather than accepting your critical beliefs as fact, learn how to challenge their validity and more regularly shower yourself with love and acceptance.
Remember that all your strengths and weaknesses make you human and unique. Every moment is an opportunity to grow in your self-acceptance.
THE DEVELOPMENT OF SELF-ESTEEM
Let’s explore where this all comes from.
It is no surprise they are formed by various factors. Our achievements, our relationships, whether were connected to a larger purpose. These are all contributing factors. But most of our opinions about ourselves were formed in our formative years. The events that took place in our childhoods and adolescence, largely mold our self-esteem. Our parents and the people who raise us have the most significant on how we feel about ourselves. For example, if we were fortunate enough to have parents who listened to us, respected us, commended our efforts, and offered us support, you’d be likely to develop high self-esteem. But if we had family members who were harshly critical of us, if they were abusive or expected perfection, their hurtful comments may have lowered our self-esteem. Even if criticism that was directed at us did not hold any truth, they can stick with us sometimes for life.
Whether we were accepted or rejected by our peers, if we had allies or if we were bullied, all our experiences and interactions influenced the positive and negative feelings we have about ourselves. Our self-esteem is extremely fragile and impressionable. Negative messages have the potential to seep into our unconscious mind without us even recognizing it. The good news is that by examining those critical beliefs, we have the ability to challenge and transform them.
Often our critical beliefs are inspired by other people. Our parents, our peers, or through media and culture. There may be a specific event that influenced that notion. So, you may be able to trace that criticism or belief back to a time in your past. Regardless of whether you can recall the origin of the criticism, ask yourself the following question: ‘What if that belief isn’t true? Or, what if it's only a partial truth. What if it's an exaggeration or an assumption or maybe a misinterpretation and that belief is hurting us. Thoughts trickle into our unconscious mind and become part of our core beliefs. But the good news is that no matter how ingrained they are, it is possible to let them go. So, the next question is, are you ready to do that? Are you ready to release that criticism? Or are you at least willing to see how it would feel to be free of that belief.
Take a moment to visualize how it would feel to be free of that criticism. Imagine how it would feel to believe the opposite or true. Or if that is too farfetched, a kinder more balanced version of that thought. Just picture who you would be if you didn't hold that critical belief about yourself. Try to sense how liberating it would feel to be free of that. What it would do to your self-esteem.
Be happy and healthy my friends.
About the Creator
T. S. Michaels
Life Coach, Writer, Psychologist
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