Transform with Tawanza
Finding direction by inviting chaos and boredom in
“Transforming into my TRUER self. What does 'truer' self mean? I’m not sure.”
On the 5th of September I made a commitment to invest at least 31 days into another leg of my self-development and spiritual journey. This was my first dedicated quest to see a drastic improvement in my life.
Although plunges into my psyche, goal tracking, and altering my habits weren’t new to me, I applied them in such a fresh and impactful way.
Every day was filled with some activity aimed to provoke thought and elicit awareness. That may sound to some like I was meditating for hours and reading a book a day (which were activities I included, but not to that extreme), but I promise those reading that it couldn’t have been further from that. Some days I did absolutely nothing productive. I sat in bed reading comics. I binged Law of Attraction YouTube videos. I stared at the ceiling letting thoughts drift in and out like clouds passing by.
And I loved it.
No, I genuinely mean it. I LOVED IT. Where before I would criticize the me not “properly” utilizing time, I could now scoff at that arrogance that there’s a right—or wrong—way to be present.
You may not have the luxury of taking a break from school or work or whatever other obligations you’ve committed to, and that’s fine. I don’t challenge you to spend a month taking up Qi Gong, listening to Oprah’s podcast, cruising to Mexico, or just sitting idle, like I did. Instead, I implore you to just look around and relish the moments you take for granted.
Notice a building springing up on your usual commute route. Drive with the windows cracked and your audio low (or not on at all). Jot down a great idea in your phone that popped up while daydreaming. Make warm, but brief, eye contact with the person taking your order.
After even a week of this, you may realize the same thing I did about setting the intention to become your “truer” self. You know, that it’s “not a true goal.”
I want to wrap this up with a quote from my journal, and sending the encouragement to you that you’re probably doing just fine if you truly pay yourself more attention.
“The only one holding me to my past commitments is myself. Sometimes I’m only afraid of losing another aspect that no longer serves me. Changing doesn’t make me a bad person. Just because it’s a dream for now doesn’t make it one forever (or any less real today).”