The trouble with falling..

The problem is you don’t have to sit with me and I do. It doesn’t matter who has what to own, I have have to sit with the memory of my mistakes. It can break you, in the morning alone over coffee, in the middle of the day, at night by yourself in the dark. But you can’t allow it to break you forever. You have to stand up within yourself and you have to forgive yourself. It could be one of the hardest stubborn apologizes to make and take. But you have too. You can’t keep drowning it away in the abyss of things that can’t change and can’t take the pain away moment to moment. If there is a light you’ve been to passed out with eyes wide shut to see it. Maybe it’s time to feel it. It will hurt at first and you will not have the crotches to hold you up. But maybe overdose in positive change and see that a life full of love is a full life. Let go and embrace. Let the mechanical mental doctors tinker and twist as you shout. There’s cigarette burning through pours of your mind as you let it all out. It’s poison in a kiss and danger to a touch. You miss it, you love it but it’s been taken to dust. To be alone can be scary, a horror film really. But as you can count away the minute and days. You grow weary and stronger for the better ways. Calm now it’s still, a drop with no spill. There is more in the making and it’s only yours for the taking. So trouble truly still with falling… your stalling. We drift and make mistakes, buts the truth that can change everything.

There is a mist in the mischief of the way you think only for yourself.

I told my father to die and then he did. If you don’t think I don’t understand what it means to never be able to take back words spoken. If you think your’e better and lesser then him. You don’t understand me and how my mistakes in words burn me to my very core, you are all ghosts that haunt me for my mistakes. But that’s it, it’s the merry go round of crap, the stinking dirt that you walked and crawled out of only to be reminded when it feels. Death, love, hate and joy sadly and happily live to hold hand in hand. The only thing left is to see and feel the most of it. This life is long and short. A cheap trick and thrill but an expensive lesson on anyones soul. There will always be love lost and needed to be forgotten. But we focus so much on the negative of the past that if you just hit rewind on that complex vhs mind of yours you can see the blockbuster of those moments you shared. People will always remember the 1% bad and easily forget the 99% good. There was greatness in the morning in bed, there was laughter, there was love and most importantly there was us. There may be no coming back and that’s fair. But in this life focusing on the painful parts and not allowing the memory of the joyful parts that made you and me better is the true tragedy.

A new song- “Make Me Feel Love”

I want to get lost here in space

Find a place without a trace

We can make foot steps down the moon

Build a place we call home

I wanna know baby can you make me feel love.

______

So in closing I leave you with a simple altered poem.

So if roses stay red and you are not blue. I hope you are well and I hope soon I will be to.