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The Trip

Is in your head.

By Limitless PotentialPublished 4 years ago 6 min read
1
Image courtesy from the Web, unknown artist

Have you ever tried to run from yourself?

Have you ever tried to hide from yourself?

To run from that feeling of being useless. Of not having a purpose, no meaning. The question "What am I doing?" or even "What is the sense of all of this?"

I know I did. I know I'm probably doing it.

I found out there are 2 effective way of running from yourself:

1. Get busy.

Get so freaking busy that you lose sense of time and lead to a burn out.

2. Do nothing. Absolutely nothing. Find every way possible to do not hear those voices in your head that tell you 'you are wasting your time.' Playing video games. Reading books. Or just stare the ceiling. Pure inactivity.

The excuses in both scenarios are pretty similar in their diametrical ways. The excuses become a paradox.

After a while you realize, if you are observant enough. And then you are in the limbo.

Lost, once again. And the same questions are there. Or maybe just only one, annoying, question. The most important of all:

What are you here for?

Back to square one. Figuring out.

You can try to run from yourself. You can try to hide.

But when you realize there is no where to go, that's the moment you must step up and confront the reflection in the mirror.

That is the moment you need to face you.

Stare the void of your own soul.

And, inevitably, the question transform.

WHO YOU ARE?

Have you ever feared this kind of confrontation? Who the hell you are?

I know I did. I know I do. Cause what I see is not what I would like to see. It is not pleasant.

And I wonder: why so?

I came a long way.

I feel I've done many things. Where all of them useless? What did I learn?

Running. Running and running.

Only to find out that there is nothing?

All that energy. Pain. Sorrow. Shit I faced. Was worth nothing?

And instantly hear another voice. This one is telling me different things.

Like, shut up.

You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. It was not so bad. Everything has a meaning. Everything has a purpose. You, silly creature.

Now maybe you don't understand, so busy and full of criticism toward the only person that accompany you each moment of this journey.

You.

Stop being so harsh. You actually did amazing things. Do not even try to compare with others. The only person you have to compare to is You. Or is that too hard? If it is so, ask yourself why. There.

This voice is soothing. It is sweet. The other one is nasty.

With time, I started to differentiate those and to help me, I gave labels.

The nasty voice is the ego. The sweet, caring one is the 'super' self.

Noticing I hardly think in first person.

I.

Indeed the nasty voice says: I.

While the wise sweet one, speaks to me addressing: You.

It takes a bit of work and a lot of presence of mind to pay attention to slight differences.

I have other voices that talks.

The Italian voice. Merely repeats what happened. The voice of the past.

The Italian voice, when it speaks, it is not about happy things.

Then I have the Spanish voice. This one was there in a period of my life where I dug in deep shit. When I confronted or faced the most difficult challenge. Relationships.

The Spanish voice has a connote of pure ego as well. And it is curious how it associates to events that involve self esteem. Self image most of the time. And all of this things regard exteriority, body and superficial characteristics of the image. The feelings that are most related are the feelings of not being enough. Or being less. Or in any case comparing with others. Probably it relates to teen age, complex and social issues.

I need once and for all, to figure out who I am.

As soon as I hear this thought into my head, the wise voice replies:

Yes, you do.

If you devote a period of time to introspection, it is not wasted time.

So, in accordance with my 'super' self voice, that is what I'm going to do now. Until it is necessary.

If you think about (says the super self voice) it is a blessing you have the time to do it.

Think about it. You don't have huuuuuuge worries that may distract you from introspection.

Yes, you do have routine to deal with, and family "usual shit" and blablabla but overall you're not facing huge stuff that would suck up all your energy, mentally, physically and spiritually speaking, would they?

Soooooo, relax, and reflect. Make space to find yourself. To do exactly what you are doing now, while you are in the train, going to work. Write your thoughts down. This helps. This is actually nice. And reflect baby girl.

What do we want to reflect upon, today?

Was very interesting identifying the voices, was fun, wasn't it?

Do you want to go a little bit deeper on. The Italian voice? Or would you prefer on the English voice, me?

Mmmh I don't know...

Whatever, it doesn't matter where we start from. You are freeeee. Yep you are free to write or think or analize about anything.

Dot dot dot.

Blank.

AHAHAHAH.

Dreamers. You just pasted the first word that was on the keyboard? And by any chance, this word was Dreamers. With the capital letter. Probably your phone wants to tell you something as well. Lol.

Brainstorm on random words.

Dreamers.

Anxiety.

Instagram (cause you saw or you think you saw this world written on the wall of the train station).

What else?

People.

Smart but this ain't brain storming, it's reading what you seee.

You don't have to make an effort, just let your mind wander. Allow it to flyyyyyyyy.

Fly awaaaaay like Lenny Kravitz says. Like a dragonfly.

Mmmmmh dragonfly, right?

The Alchemist comes to mind.

You seee, when you needed you don't have with you.

The Page you bookmarked with the dragonfly sticker.

Try and have a look at it tonight. May be relevant.

And nope, you don't have to understand everything right now.

Everything will be clear at the right time.

No worries, it's a promise.

Me: Thank you very much nice voice.

At this point I'm thinking that the nice voice is my spiritual guide communicating with meeeee.

Should I give you a name?

Naaaah you don't need to name me.

Just the fact you are aware of my presence, that you hear me and actually listen, is enough 😁

The song "Fly Away" stuck in the head ahahah... 

healing
1

About the Creator

Limitless Potential

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