The Most Beautiful Sunset

Hi all,

I’m pretty new to this, so I’m just going to explain few things, thank you all in advance for wanting to read this.

So here it goes:

This is a story about my love for bodybuilding and nothing else, and how it has changed my life to be a better experience. But in order to get there I have to go back—way back. Please be patient with me, because English is not even my second language, but for some reason when it comes to explaining my feelings, I always switch to this beautiful language (even when I talk to myself in my head) because I can explain it as it is, with the most simple words, without making it too complicated or dramatic. I thank you all in advance for understanding that I’m not trying to create a literary masterpiece. Actually I’m not trying to do anything but share with you my love story.

But before I do so I will make some promises, which I intend to keep, and I urge you all to call me out if I ever forgot. I will also have some requests from you all, which is up to you to accept or not. But remember, most of the time nothing is as we think it is. I will also apologize in advance to some people and give some few special thanks to others.

Promises:

1. I will be honest; this means I will not lie, even if I do, I will tell you.
2. I will always tell you what are the facts vs. stories (stories by me or by others).
3. Sometimes I might not tell the whole story, but I promise I will at some point.

Request:

I only have one request from you all, and that is to keep an open mind and don’t judge; know that this is just a request and you are free to judge as much as you want. I’m just saying!

Because you are in for an amazing surprise if you do judge. And you are not going to like yourself. Believe me I know the pain of not liking myself. I’m just looking out for your feelings guys.

Apologies:

I’m also going to apologize to my friends and family, because I’m going to be very honest, and some of the things here might hurt your feelings, but I want you all to know I love you so very much, and it’s not about you guys, but you all are a very important part of it.

For the first time in my life I’m doing this for me and me only. I want you all to know I have to write in order to heal. I have to help myself. Know this: “No one is coming. You are your only way out”

Years ago a good friend of mine and an amazing director made a documentary of a small part of my life (which was really hard to share for me at the time). At one point he asked me why I was sharing my story. I said, even if only one person sees this and says if she did, I can do too, that’s good enough for me. I know, I know… such a cliché of an answer, but I really meant it. And that’s why I’m writing now. I was looking at the documentary a couple days ago, and it hit me…

I once shared my story in the hopes of only one person seeing it and getting the courage to change his/her life (I really did share my story in hopes of saving only one person from the cage made by society and themselves) .

Why not do it again, but this time I know that specific person, and that is no one but me. Why not write down everything that is trapped in my head to save myself. So guys I’m not trying to inspire you (I don’t even know if you would read it or not), I don’t want you to look up to me, I don’t want you to love me or hate me… I want you to know I’m doing this for me, and I hope I get the courage to do what I was meant to do every single day.

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." – Aristotle

I feel I finally get it, and that’s why I’m here sharing with you my life story, my deepest secrets and desires, my lies and my truths, all in order to find solace with who I am.

I also have to make another apology to those people who know me or know of me, and are here to find out what really happened with my love life. I’m sorry to disappoint you; this is not a story of an angry ex-partner. I want you all to know if either of us wanted to share with you, we would rent the billboards on Sunset Blvd. (Well this is a lie, because I don’t have that kind of money, but you all get my point). So if you are here for the scoop on who did what, you will be disappointed. But if you stay long enough, I will share my own personal journey through the whole eleven years and two months long partnership with the… well I don’t know what to call it; I wanted to say “greatest love of my life” or hardest… Guys I really don’t know what to call it… but I’m sure together we will figure out what it was…

Anyway just know I’m not going to bash anyone here, and if I do, I will tell you I’m being an emotional /biCH/… Remember promise #1

I will make sure this story is not going to sound like a long rant of an angry and revengeful ex-partner (Although that I admit I was really tempted to do so, oh, believe me I wanted to blame it all on “S.”

I will call my now ex-partner “S,” because I still cannot say “my ex.” I hope by writing this story, one day soon I will be able to just say “my ex,” and not feel anything; and by anything I mean no hate, no anger, no love, and above all no shame… Yes, no shame! I feel ashamed of myself… (Don’t worry I will come back to this) .

On another note, I truly encourage you to google what is the origin of “ex”? No need I just did it myself, and you can just click and read if you really want to know more today than you did yesterday.

I truly thank you all for wanting to know more today than yesterday, and I wish just like Stephen West—the host of an amazing podcast called Philosophize This!—that this sentence “thank you for wanting to know more today, than yesterday” was mine. Well it’s not, and if you want to know who said it, you better listen to this podcast.

Guys I want you to know I’m not advertising for him or anyone. I don’t even know the guy… well I have to admit today (September 23, 2019), while watching one of the most beautiful sunsets of my life, I got very emotional and recorded my voice and sent it to him… He probably will get really confused, but again being the host of a philosophy podcast… I have to say he must be used to crazy people sending him confusing messages all the time. Heck deep down I believe he kind of enjoys it. Anyway I’m not advertising for him or anyone else here.

I will share with you all the things and people who got me here, and he is one of those people; well his voice. You don’t know how much this podcast has helped me through tough times, and how it’s one of the main steps to finally remembering my “Personal Legend.”

Ah yes… Personal Legend… for all of you who have read The Alchemist, well you know what I’m talking about, but please read it again, and again… to those who haven’t read it yet, please do. I encourage you to do so as soon as possible. Again I have to say I’m not advertising, heck I was never a fan of Paulo Coelho, I’m not even sure if I’m a fan now, I just know this time it really changed me, and I understood all the things differently than the last time I read it (I was in my early twenties and just lost someone I loved to a horrible car accident, and I didn’t like it much then).

But guys listen to me and read it. This book was recommended to me after all things fell apart... (don’t worry I will get there…) by three different people (which I will write about them in detail later, because they all are my omens… READ THE BOOK, AND IT ALL WILL MAKE SENSE).

I resisted so hard not to read it, but when something comes your way more than once or twice… Come on!!!! you have to finally pay attention to it the third time, so I did and I’m so happy I did. I hope you will feel the same after reading it.

OK! One more special thank you to the man himself Dr. Joe Dispenza and his book called Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself… Guys this book changed everything… Literally changed… drastically changed everything, and so fast… I picked it up some time in January 2019.

Again not advertising, blah blah blah… by now you all know I’m just sharing… but I will go in detail of this amazing book and this amazing guy that changed my life…

Now I have to give another special thanks to the woman who, one morning, shared this video with me. I will call her “R,” and you will hear a lot about her… oh dear I have to stop thanking people and events for guiding me to certain people and events that got me here… or this is just going to be a boring and long thank you note from me to different people… and I just noticed that for her I have to thank me… you see guys, it’s all like a circle… and it all comes back to me.

What I’m trying to say it that from the moment I really decided to change my life, the universe gave me tools after tools, and signs after signs. I have to admit I really didn’t see it till recently…

I have been sitting by myself for months… and I mean really sitting and going back and forward in my mind, crying non-stop for 38 days… (Yes I did cry non-stop… I cried so hard and so loud that the neighbors finally came to my door step to pay their respects and offer me their condolences, for the death of my partner… Now that I look back, it actually was like a death…

Anyway after the first 38 days of crying and screaming… so dramatic… believe me it was very dramatic, and I know DRAMA. I’ve had my fair share of it all my life…

Then came the 20 days of living in an Airbnb… and guys it was fun, in a very unusual way, but I got to see the city I called home for more than a decade in a totally new light. I’m not saying go Airbnb in your hometown, but I’m saying great idea after a breakup or divorce… for 20 days I had minimum human contact and I developed a two inch hole in my stomach… (will come back to this) .

Let me get to my point, I will tell you everything in detail later. I was saying I’ve been by myself for five months and two weeks (and yes I am still counting all the days, and hours, and minutes, and…) And let me tell you it was beyond hard… and all this time I just wondered, “Why???”

No guys I didn’t ask why my partner broke up with me after 11 years and two months on our anniversary (Monthiversary—we called it—we always celebrated on the eighth of each month) after we just had an amazing anniversary dinner (which I had cooked), and I'd just finished reading the two most emotional love letters I’ve ever written anyone… oh God!! I even get emotional now… (no need to say I will give you the full letter later. You will hear the whole true not just a small part) .

Yes I never once wondered “why S did what S did that night…

No, for five months and two weeks I wondered “Why this pain… why do I have to endure this pain?” Until this afternoon I finally realized a couple of things:

1—“The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence move too. Whatever you think you can do, or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, power and grace.” – Goethe

2—Everything begins with you and ends with you; a circle has no beginning nor ending…

No beginning no end

time is circular

karma is what goes around comes around

love starts and has no end.

It's just the origin of the very minute point encircling the whole life.

3—Everything that happened to me, from the moment I was born till today, was supposed to happen to get me here… and everything that's happening now, or will happen is to get me where I'm suppose to go… I still don’t know where, but I know by starting this story I am one step closer to my final destiny, wherever that might be. I’m so at peace with it, and I’m walking into the unknown willingly and full of joy.

4—Know that the universe will do its best to get you there, learn to see and interpret the signs. And also know this amazing Universe has a crazy sense of humor; which means you will receive whatever your heart desires, but the Universe is in charge, so just trust it and take the pain, because in order to see clearly, you need pain. Lots of it. It’s just like show prep. Hunger is the name of the game. On a side note: bodybuilders eat a lot, so don’t think we starve ourselves. But when you are hungry 24/7, because your body is burning all you consume… oh I think I’m addicted to feeling; always hungry… I’m hungry while eating… oh that is something that changes you.

5—We are all here for each other; The universe doesn’t just give you the people you want, it gives you the people you need. I never understood this, because I was the kind of person who would get any person at any price… But today I know you are all here for me, as I am for you. The Universe put us together at certain points in our lives, to help each other, to hurt each other, to love each other, to leave each other, and to help us grow into the people we are meant to be.

I know, very confusing, ha… I finally found out the origin of my pain and the why doesn’t matter anymore.

Ok guys I have to stop here and just get a coffee or something (or something is either tea or water, because I’m in prep and no drinking for me… not that I need it…)

Let me close chapter zero by saying thank you all for being here, you don’t know me, but I promise you will all get to know me, the true me, and by doing so I hope my story can be one small omen for you to find your personal legend.

Nice to meet you all, “I’m Elaheh and Today Is My Love Story”

September 23, 2019 California

Side note: I just read everything and didn’t change anything, although my English grammar is bad… but I will not edit, because I promised to be honest. And forget my request guys and judge me as much as you want from this day forward. I will not take anything personal…

And from next time I will try to start from the beginning of the end which was May 8, 2019 in a chronological order… well I will TRY… oh and there are tons of other people I need to thank, so get used to it. :D

Love you all

Elaheh September 24th, 1:40 AM