The Inner Fight of Climb

I lay here in silence. Wondering what will come up next for the day. Circling through what to do, I feel dead inside. Unmotivated, unwilling to be happy. Struggling to find cause, unknown faculties outside my control pulls you down and you feel nothing but heavy. You are trying to hold on to what's right and what is good but you find comfort in the void.

All you know is the weights that's been piled on. You so you brace for impact and prepare. You constantly prepare for the shadows of soul to come challenge your way of being. You continue the fight everyday by getting up but what let's in prevents from what get out.

Fighting to feel lighter than air. Unable to conceptualize inner peace. You find moments where it's just you and four walls and take away the distractions and you are left with a hollow shell where it's only fight is to survive. You struggle to find the starting point and you realize that you have already started. That you cant even move past the first step because it's been the hardest thus far. Trying to control your being you push and you push for self gratification only to be consumed by lust and latch onto potential exits for a better future.

You pigeon hole yourself into submission and become categorized right before your very eyes. Unfiltered and ashamed of what's been received, you try to cater to others to find purpose and lose sight of your inner saboteur. You forget what it means to be you and get lost in the relationships you have built in hopes that you get the same in return. You don't. You give so much that all they can contribute is their version of friendship which is less what you put in. You try to cultivate and unionize the good people you want in your life and what's left is the happiness they grow to obtain due to your efforts.

For once you are not ahead of everyone. You are not the lone wolf who knows all the answers and is the go to who saves the day. Rather than be the beacon of hope and reliance, you fall behind. As if you pulled everyone from their slumps of hurt from your higher being to accelerate them past you so you descend while they can spread their wings and fly.

When you are at the bottom, the deepest of darkness within yourself, you tend to find something. Something that you have lost. Something you didn't realize you still had. Apart of yourself you thought would be too late to bring back because it's concluded that you won't need it. You realize that you have been a piece of clay that's been molded to meet everyones expectations. You for so long had to be something to everyone despite your own feelings because for you, it was customary to care for things like family, friends and career more than your own well being. 

The part of you where happiness lies has been taken apart piece by piece in order to savor some good moments in life and to help those you deem needs help. The inner fight of climb is a never ending one but its not always a difficult one. All of the hardships and struggles that it takes to make the climb is all stepping stones to get you to appreciate the good one for when they happen. You learn that all the obstacles are put in front of you because what you learn from them are something that nobody can learn from. Your climb is different from others but is the same climb. All these emotions may arise but reminders and self positivity becomes your power against the dark so you are now flying high rather after the climb and no longer feel the weight that beseeched you.