The Importance of Being Yourself

Many times – in my life – I have been asked to do something against my own values. Something I never wanted to do. I just did because anyone else told me. After all, it was fun to do. It was hilarious to do, and then that threatened me. I didn’t want a scene and went along with it. I went along because I was afraid of not being liked for saying no.

But you know what, my therapist said: “Agnes, you may be there, out there, in the world, because you matter.” This sentence stuck with me the last three, maybe four years, of my life.

I may give my boundaries. I may jump into the air as an adult and be a ‘crazy’ person. I am allowed to give my opinion. I am allowed to apply make-up – even your partner doesn't want you to do so.

I am my own human being - with values, opinions, thoughts, feelings, emotions, positive energy, and everything else in between. I'm someone that loves playing the violin and that wants to go to the conservatory. I love poetry, writing stories and articles and lots more creativity. These are the things I want to earn my money with. Also, I can and doing so – even when it is not the decent salary I wish.

Often, people don't think I can, people think I should earn money with a secure income stream such as ‘working in a grocery store because that is something you actually can do’ - which was said by someone that I trusted all my fears and anxiety and used it all against me. That someone thought my only purpose was sitting on a chair in the grocery store as a cashier, as that person said: “because you have the lowest education and I have the highest education.” ‘Wow’, I thought, but I didn’t respond, and my thoughts also said: ‘this is actually the lowest reaction I ever got, and what kind of highest education you got, definitely they didn’t teach you how to be a kind human being having the respect for other human beings, their feelings and emotions.’

Ads I got more of these kinds – maybe worse, no, even worse – events in my life; bullied, sexual abuse, being manipulated and gaslit a lot – I thought I was not worth existing, not worth giving my opinion, not worth having the feelings and emotions I have and I had, but you know what, I am worth it, so do you.

All these years, approximately 10 years – maybe more, I haven’t been myself, I couldn’t be myself, as I didn’t know who I actually was, who I actually am. I never thought about myself - as a human being. I wanted to please others because I thought that I always had to put others above myself, but glad that my therapist told me that I may be there as well, that I may acknowledge my existence, and that it is fine to say no when I can’t meet others' expectations.

I realized that is important to be yourself. It is important because you are a species on earth, you have feelings, you have emotions, you have opinions, you have thoughts, you have ideas, and so on... Thus, a human being worth existing, and the human being may say no when you can’t meet others’ expectations.

When you are around others, you definitely need to be yourself. You need to be yourself because you only can live up to your own expectations, you can only feel what you feel, you only can have these emotions you have, only you are the one that exists in a way that is you. You are the one that is the one that is you, with fears, with feelings, with emotions, with these opinions, with everything in between that belongs to the person that is YOU.

What will happen when you are not the one you are supposed to be as you want to live, the way you want to behave? I believe that – when you don’t be yourself around others, or even in situations – you will not be happy, the way you want to live.

I love to play the violin, I love to practice for three hours per day to be a better violinist and go to the conservatory next year, but when my folks around me say I can’t because it is too loud, wherever I practice at home, I will be unhappy and I can’t produce the sound I need and I want to create the best version of my violinistic approach, as well as being myself while practising the violin.

When I write, whether that is a poem, an article, or even (a short) story, I want to be my best self, I need the focus on creating that story, plus I want to express myself into a human being that can develop herself in the best possible way.

To be yourself is important, for your mental health.

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About the writer

Agnes Laurens is a writer. She writes for the local newspaper. Agnes lives in The Netherlands, with her husband and three daughters. You can find her on Vocal, Medium, Elephant Journal, HubPages, Music List. Writing is — aside from playing the violin — one of her passions since childhood. She is on Twitter and Instagram. You can subscribe to my mailing list, and you can subscribe to my Thoughts. Check out her books. She has https://www.amazon.com/Agnes-Laurens/e/B08L44ZCS4/ref=dp_byline_cont_pop_ebooks_1an online web store, and she has a merchandise store. If you want to be informed about my online store and my merch, please follow this link.