The Difficulty of Managing Emotions During Highly Emotional Times.

Emotions are running high this year. On a global scale, we’re all facing COVID-19. That alone has brought about so many changes that I’m sure we’re all going to have to permanently redefine what “normal” is for our families, our careers and our communities. On a National scale, the U.S. is experiencing a another racial justice movement which I’m sure will also change our perceptions of what is “normal” or in this case, “right”.

In my household, COVID-19 has changed everything, mostly for the better. My work-life situation is finally finding some balance. I’m able to focus more on the things I love, like being a mother and establishing a strong foundation at home for my family. I’ve been able to grow my business and start a blog, something I’ve always had the heart for but never the energy to follow through on. Emotionally, it’s brought up feelings of fear and uncertainty, but it’s also increased my faith, my tenacity and my focus.

As a black woman, I’d be remiss to not acknowledge the impact that the Black Lives Matter movement is having on me as a mother, friend, and healer. For starters, it has not been an easy emotional experience. I sometimes feel triggered and angry often wondering what it is that we’re really fighting for, what community truly means to me, and what I will advocate for, or not. The most difficult part of all this is feeling like I have to choose between myself and my community. Having to choose between self sovereignty or belonging is difficult and I honor those who are finding themselves in similar predicaments. Black or white, this energy is intense.

With that being said, one thing I have become very passionate about is emotional intelligence. According to Lexico.com, emotional intelligence is defined as “The capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.” To be honest, I’ve been on the journey of becoming more emotionally intelligent for about two years now, but the social climate these days make me feel as if I’m moving backwards, rather than progressing. I try my best to communicate effectively and with non-violent tact, but I’ll admit that it’s a muscle that needs constant exercise.

One thing I have learned about emotional intelligence throughout all of this is that you have to be able to openly speak on the things that are bothering or concerning to you, without the fear of punishment. With cancel culture being at an all time high, it’s safe to say that finding the spaces and moments to do so are far and few. For that reason, I’d suggest that one key to emotion management during these times is to find a trusted friend or therapist that you can talk openly with. Not necessarily someone who will agree with you, but someone who is willing to listen and allow you to express yourself without judgement. I have found that when I am able to just express without it needing to be perfect or without the fear of retaliation, I am able to reach a level of mental clarity that enables me to make better decisions based off of facts and wisdom rather than the chaos of my emotions.

Accountability is also another helpful tool. I believe that we all need people in our circle who are willing to hold us accountable to who we say we are. I am so grateful for the people in my life who check me when I’m acting out of character. I’m even more grateful that having people to hold me accountable has increased my ability to be honest and accountable to myself. I definitely still lean on my tribe for support, but for the most part, I’ve gotten pretty good at catching myself when I’m about to go off track and I owe that growth to those who have always been honest with me, about me.

Lastly, listening is a part of emotional intelligence. It’s not just being able to express yourself. It’s also being able to listen to others expression of themselves without needing them to change or adapt their thinking to match yours. The beauty of humanity has always been its diversity. Not in skin color, but in thought, beliefs, culture, etc. Being able to listen to someone and to empathize with their position will help you to trust and believe that someone can do the same for you. I have found that a lot of times, we don’t feel safe expressing ourselves simply because we haven’t been a place of safety either. It’s hard to believe that civility, compassion, empathy and fairness exist when you have not embodied those same traits.

The process of learning to manage emotions, especially during highly emotional times is a difficult one that often gets messy and requires self reflection and correction. When it’s all said and done, all of these events are shaping us in a uniquely different way. Challenging the way we think about and interact with each other. Though we’re still in what seems like the beginning phases of transformation as a collective, I have hope that the difficulties we’re experiencing will be for our benefit in the end.