Systematical Errors

Have we ever wondered what life itself is supposed to bring us? We are supposed to be these happy go lucky people although we are nowhere near happy. Behind every "happy" face there is a world of wondering if everything is going to be okay; there is one thing that we are not admitting to ourselves. Everything that happens in our life has a word based upon it. Happiness is just a word that is put behind a smile because it takes too many muscles to frown. Depression is just a word that we are supposedly "diagnosed" with when we are considered "abnormal," but what is normality? The world revolves around thousands and thousands of words behind meaningless emotions as we feel them. We may seem happy, when reality comes up behind us and makes us choose whether we want to smile or take the effort to frown. The world is a disaster and we are afraid to admit the worst to ourselves. We fear reality. We fear what is supposed to be a reality that we have to fight for. It's cruel and unusual!

We stand at the edge of the cliff when we used to be afraid of heights. They no longer scare me. They no longer cause me to fear for my life. It is more satisfying than it has ever been before. We are supposed to fight for what we love and for what we want but when reality comes up from behind us making us choose if we want to smile or die, I choose to die. I choose death over an endless amount of misery and ache that this lifetime is forced to bring us. I will never be good enough, pretty enough, funny enough. I will never be perfect. Why are we supposed to imagine ourselves as perfect? Why should we baffle our own minds because we get to take on each day wondering if we are going to make it another second in our lifetime? What makes you wonder?

We are labeled with ADHD, Bipolar, Depression, making us think that something is wrong with us on a day-to-day basis, but in reality we are the best people in the world. We see things for what they are, not what people make them out to be. It's a world of lying, cheating, manipulating, making people wonder if there is anything better throughout the world. Here's some disappointment:

The world is nothing without a bunch of bodies to occupy each other on this lonely joke of a world. Each body is put on this earth to entertain another, but who are you entertaining, and who is supposed to be entertaining you? Who is keeping you under their wing? We are just entertainment for someone else, think of it that way. Just sit back and wonder who exactly you are entertaining, the universe maybe? We are just a joke...

Ever been bullied? Ever felt like the world around you has been tumbling down for longer than it should? Just a question, I was bullied. I was bullied from the age of 12 to the age of 16 when I decided that I was going to drop out of high school. Not even about just my weight, but because of the fact that I wasn't from here. I moved here from North Carolina. I had and still have an accent. I was called a poser and a joke because I couldn't wear the right things although I was a rodeo girl. I grew older, 18 came around, and I got OBSESSED with my local tattoo parlor, sitting there deciding what to get next. I started with my septum piercing, then got a tattoo. Around November of 2017, I started getting crazy, got another tattoo, and pierced four different places. Now I get called the joke for entering rodeos with my piercings, or even going to a car meet in cowboy boots. I was a joke around the town. I used to care but nowadays I learned not to care. I wasn't allowed to, I can't sit there and let people label me for the person I grew up to be. Build your car the way you want it built. Modify your body in the way that makes you feel confident. It's all about what you personally want, not what other people want from you. Don't sit there and let the labels drain you of who you are. Bullying isn't worth it, and those that bully sure as hell aren't worth the time of day that you give them when they reach out to make you feel bad about yourself. The world is time consuming but you are supposed to respect that time and take in that beauty, not resent and hate everything or everyone on the planet. It isn't supposed to work like that but it sure as hell does. It has a habit of making things more complicated than easy. That is when the complications start to become dangerous..

You're supposed to smile, not frown. Yet we do a lot of both.