Sure, It Could Be Worse, But It Still Sucks

When the global pandemic started earlier this year, no one knew just how much the world was going to change. I think it's fair to say that, like with most bad things, we all thought "this could never happen to me." But it's happening, and it's happening to all of us.

But we're all not experiencing it the same.

When my college graduation was canceled due to the pandemic, I was heartbroken. Yes, I was looking forward to it because college was really difficult and I wanted the recognition for my hard work. But more so I wanted to get the experience that almost everyone else who's graduated got: I wanted the pomp and the circumstance and the memory of walking across that stage and getting my diploma. And I'll never get that memory now.

And it's hard to explain just how much getting that experience would have meant to me, but it boils down to this: a lot of the big moments most people get growing up, I missed out on. And I just wanted this one memory to be untainted.

When other people who were disappointed it was canceled spoke out in a Facebook group for my college, they were told to "have some perspective" and that "people were dying." I'm not someone who gets angered easily, but this upset me.

Yes, in the greater context of the global pandemic, the cancellation of our graduation is nothing. But in the context of our personal experience? It's pretty sucky.

I can be upset about not getting to graduate, and still understand that worse things are happening in the world. It can be insignificant in the grand scheme of things and still be significant to me. My feelings about the situation are valid, whether or not other people agree.

And I think dismissing how people feel because other people have it worse is hurtful and, honestly, pretty ignorant. The staggering number of those who have been affected by this pandemic from jobs lost to those who have lost their lives is not lost on me. My heart can hurt for those who are fighting, and those who have lost the fight, while it also hurts for my losses. And I can recognize my privilege in my financial security right now while also recognizing that this has been hard for me.

Invalidating people's feelings by telling them they could have it worse is harmful because it can prevent them from processing what they're feeling.

And as hard as it is, we need to process what we're going through. This is a stressful and terrifying time. Seemingly overnight, our lives as we knew them were gone. That's not an easy thing to adjust to. And we're allowed to be disappointed that our last semester of college went online, or that our high school prom got canceled, or that our goodbyes to our classmates were haphazard. That doesn't mean we're shallow or out of touch or inconsiderate or selfish. In the context of our own lives, these are big losses, and minimizing them because in another context they seem petty is ignorant. They ask us to have perspective when theirs is limited, and I'm not here for it.

We're all going through something right now. And someone's always going to have it worse. But that doesn't actually make me feel better about what I'm going through. There is no fair comparison when it comes to the pain of two different people because something that doesn't bother me might be heartbreaking for someone else.

All of that said, whatever you're going through as we deal with this pandemic, your feelings are valid. Just because "it could be worse," that doesn't mean it doesn't suck.