Suicide Prevention Month

"Butterflies can't see the color of their wings, but we as humans can see how beautiful they are. Likewise. You might not think you're good enough, but others can see how special and amazing you are!"

This is a topic that's hard for me, hard for honestly anyone, to talk about. I've been there for years, and I still am there. Trust me, I know, trying to hide the suffering I was feeling on the inside and the scars that matched on the outside was more than difficult. I know that fighting those thoughts and feelings can be incredibly difficult. I remember being in high school, I was a senior, and I had to write a poem for a class assignment and I had to present it in front of the whole class. I called it 'I'm a Girl' and in the poem, I had talked about some of the things I was struggling with and feeling behind the scenes. It didn't rhyme, honestly it's not even really a poem. But this was something I had kept hidden for so long and I wanted more than anything to let at least get some of this weight off my mind. It took all my courage to want to share this poem in front of people I had known and gone to school with for years. But I realized that holding these things inside was only damaging myself.

My poem went something like this;

I am not what I appear to be

I follow by the shadows of others

But I never follow my own

I soon became lost

As a thin piece of metal

became my loving friend

I cry at night

And smile in light

The door shuts

As I begin to fall apart

Piece by piece I began to break

As the little piece of metal

Put me back together

Even though you may be able to tell by my face

You'll never really understand

How broken I am

I put myself in the hands

Of people who seemed to care

Just to find out

It was all just a lie

I hid in my skin

I was different

I sent what was inside

I've been called a freak

As I sit here today

I'm a girl

With trust issues

With insecurities

With depression

With scars on her arms

I'm far from wonder woman

I'm far from the hulk

I'll never be strong

I'll never be a fighter

I'm a girl

Who's given up

Who's loved and who's lost

I'm a girl

Whos finally accepting that

I'm not what society wants.

I remember after reading that I looked around the room, slowly sat down in my chair, and laid my head in my arms. Sure, some people clapped, some harder than others. Sure, people spoke out and said that I was brave and that they appreciated the courage I had to share what I did. Sure, it was nice, but I didn't share it because I wanted anyone to call me brave. I wanted more than anything to bring awareness to people struggling behind the scenes. I wanted people to look around and see the good in people and to be kind because you never know what someone may be going through behind the curtain. I wanted to write this not only because it's a suicide prevention month but so someone struggling can read this and know that they are not alone. I wanted someone to know that we will all get through this, together. Even if you may not think so, you matter, very much. Tomorrow needs you, the world needs you. Stay strong for me.