Success Doesn't Equal Happiness

Success and happiness - the two go hand in hand, right? Sometimes, but success is only part of the happiness equation. You might have a six-figure job, worked your way up the ladder faster than most, and even have an active social life. But, why is it you're not happy?

If you're like most people, you've probably heard the myth that you'll be happy when you're successful. It's what you hear when you're struggling through college or working crappy entry level jobs that barely pay the rent.

"Just be patient. You'll be happy when you're successful."

So, if this is the case, the secret to being happy is being miserable for an untold number of years until you're suddenly successful. While that might work for a handful of people, it's just a misery loop for everyone else.

I've been where you are. I've let my happiness depend on my success. Yet, even once I was successful, I wasn't happy. I was glad I had succeeded, but success by itself didn't make me happy. It still felt like something was missing. As it turns out, happiness was something I had to find all by itself.

Success Changes Over Time

You worked for years to get where you are. If you asked yourself 10 years ago what success looked like, it might look exactly like your life today. But, you're not the same person you were 10 years ago.

Basing your happiness on success sets you up for failure. Every year, your definition of "successful" is going to change. Last year, success might have meant getting a new job with a higher salary and fewer hours. Today, success might mean starting your own business to work from home to have a more flexible schedule.

Every time "success" changes, you extend how long it'll take for you to be happy.

Why can't you have happiness on the journey to success?

It's a question I've asked myself many times, but as humans, we're conditioned to be believe you can't have happiness until some specific goal is met. In this case, it could mean accomplishing a major goal or finally starting your dream career.

But, if you're miserable throughout the journey, that misery is going to cling to you, gnawing away at any happiness you might have had.

Success Comes and Goes

It's not the most positive thought in the world, but nothing is ever guaranteed. You've finally achieved success and tomorrow the rug isn't just pulled out from under you. It beats you down, leaving you lying on the floor wondering what the hell just happened.

As an example, a friend quit college (which actually was a great decision in his case), interned as an electrician, got licensed, and immediately got a job at one of the highest paying companies in the area. The company had been around for over 50 years and was going strong. He was earning twice as much as his friends who had college degrees, and he didn't have all the debt.

After a year, he bought a nice house with several acres of land, brand new SUV, and a ring for his girlfriend. Fast-forward to the start of year three and the company suddenly gives everyone six-weeks notice that they're shutting down. Only those who'd worked there a decade or more would be eligible for a severance package. They'd also be the only ones offered jobs at other locations.

All this happened before the pandemic. While he could easily get another job, nothing was paying anything close to what he was making. Within three months, he had to sell his house, move back in with his parents, and his girlfriend (who only cared about the money) left.

Overnight, success became uncertainty and fear. All happiness was gone because it all hinged upon success.

It took two more years before my friend was able to get back on his feet. Two more jobs ended during that time, but he was lucky enough to finally land a more stable position that even held steady during COVID shutdowns.

The lesson - success may not last forever. Letting all your happiness depend on something that could end at a moment's notice may leave you lost and depressed.

Happiness Depends On You

Happiness is something you create yourself. It doesn't depend on any success. Think of it as a small flicker inside yourself. It's always there, but if you don't feed it, it'll remain a flicker.

Happiness isn't going around with a massive smile on your face 24/7 without a care in the world. It's being content with who you are and where you are. It's being able to pick out positive things even when your life isn't exactly what you dreamed it would be.

Every time you focus on those positive things, you feed the flicker. Over time, it grows and warms you, creating your own internal happiness that isn't dependent on anyone or anything but you.

Sure, you'll have tragedies, struggles, and times when you never want to get out of bed again. But, sadness, frustration, and anger are all normal. By focusing on creating your own happiness, you'll already have a balance in your life that helps you get through the hard times.

You have the power to be happy whenever you choose to be.

A few things you can do right now to start feeding that flicker include:

• Spending just 5 minutes a day doing something you love
• Reading positive, happy stories (fiction and/or non-fiction)
• Writing about your future as if you're already living it (manifestation journaling)
• Meditating (I love Medito and Insight Timer)
• Learning something new (if you're in school right now, you're already learning plenty)
• Exercising 10-15 minutes a day (YouTube has plenty of free fitness videos, from walking to bootcamps)

Happiness won't happen overnight, but it will happen. It'll happen long before you achieve your definition of success. It'll happen whether your relationship works out or not. It will happen no matter what's in your path, but just like a grumbling tummy, it needs to be fed to grow and become a constant companion in your life.