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Struggles of Early Adulthood

Doing Adult: An Honest Confession

By Seeking Zen Published 6 years ago 3 min read
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They say that one of the most transformative periods in your life is that of adolescence. However, I didn't see that as a major turning period in my life. My mom always says, "your twenties are the hardest time." Well, she sure is right. I didn't realise that adulting was so tough. What was worse was coping with shattered assumptions: the world is a good place, we can trust people, people are helpful and kind. Well, these are all generalisations

Twenties are tough, competitive, and existentially draining. When you share something personal and it's mocked at because you have to grow up and take responsibility despite your inner storms, that's being adult.

Being an adult is really very exasperating, especially if you are conflicted with life choices and career choices. This decade demands that you have your life sorted out for you; answers should be ready when asked, and perfected with the ideal pitch, dictation, and manner. But, is life for all of us so? Maybe for those in the middle section of the bell curve, but for those of us who represent the extreme, I wonder what it's like for them. Is it the same as I experience it?

I battle daily with my set of failures, fears, and expectations. I shared something personal only to know it was mocked at on social media, for something that was meant to be kept a secret. All my wounds reopened; I could feel the past haunting me again. I had to keep it together, I had to keep it bottled, and I developed a new relationship, an unhealthy relationship with food, sugar — my temporary relief but long term poison.

As a child, being naive, I always believed what goes around comes around. Being adult made me realise that those who are greedy actually get what they want. I believed in being a shining star, bright and radiant, only to realise the struggles of being an adult, finishing deadlines, doing uni work, facing the education system, made me dull and gloomy. I wonder, when will karma actually run its course? When will I develop wisdom reflexively?

Stranded alone is a feeling that I often experience as an adult. The more I reflect on the older I've become, the more I realise the dearth of people I have around me. That makes me fear for those that I have with me: What if I lose them!? What if they die!? What meaning would my life have, where and who would I go to?!

What I found most difficult to battle with was the differences that exist within society. The homeless, the beggars, the class differences, caste differences, and the inequity. Why is it that one person drives a car with diamonds embedded on it, but another is struggling to get food, water, and shelter? These realisations began to hit when I would want to find a job, or would wonder how I would earn my bread and butter.

These realisations would push me to the idea of gratefulness, but my pessimism would often override my ability to be grateful and take away from me the moment I could cherish, realise, and honour. It's very hard grappling with the negativities of the mind, to overcome them and to love yourself.

I have never felt hatred towards myself as much as I have when I turned twenty. I think when I turned twenty a part of my spirit just died, which I am frantically trying to resuscitate.

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About the Creator

Seeking Zen

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