Stripped bare, to start again.

Ahh, new years resolutions, how cliché. I had never been one for them until this year. For many years before I stubbornly refused to accept any significance of the two seconds between December 31st and January 1st except it normally started with a heavy night of celebrations followed by a rough day at work, like two days in any other week. I would jest and jive with the January gym junkies, the quitting smokers starting from the second or third depending how heavy NYE was and those committing to Dry January (also starting a day or two late, dependent on NYE) – fools, my opinion was not in conflict of their intention but why on this day in particular? Was it to follow the crowd for moral support? Competing with your mates so you are not the first to fail? Or just a trend to seek some sort of validation? Laughable, my realist attitude at the time (in retrospect, a mirror to my own failures) believed that if you wanted to do something, especially ‘make or break’ a habit, you would start it on the day you made the decision to do so otherwise you’d have to wait another year before having another crack at it! Yet hear I am, three weeks into the new year with three new year resolutions and a mouth full of metaphorical paper.

This was not just a few resolutions formed for the year ahead – or even just something to try and achieve - but two preceding years of hard lessons, deep truths, and personal awakenings. 2019 and 2020 where incredibly significant years for me. I am going to delve into a brief-ish overview of both to give an insight to what essentially changed my perspective on new year resolutions and how I have come to choose these in particular, leading to a fresh start.

“Perspective is everything. A single subject can be seen in three ways; how you’ve always looked at it, changing the angle or just looking away. Each will have a different outcome.”

2019 – What a year! Started this one at the lowest point (physically, emotionally and mentally) I have ever been. I had ‘lost everything’, a relationship with a woman whom I will forever love unconditionally (unconditional love, think about that for a moment), the future I had planned and was running toward for several years, financial security and a very costly visa. I was actively attending legal proceedings fighting an unfair dismissal case from my last employment as an executive chef for a company who I gave every ounce of physical energy to (no wonder the relationship didn’t work out, but what could I do? I was sponsored by the company). I hardly ate due to a struggling appetite, I smoked up to ten cigarettes a day and fuelled myself with caffeine from either energy drinks or coffees – couldn’t get enough of it. I had been smoking since the age of fifteen anyway, on and off, but mostly on. I always thought I had the strength to quit and would often use the relationship (whilst it lasted) as an anchor point or reason to quit but the addiction and association with the chef life was just too strong, or I was just too weak? I know I worked more hours in a week than most people done in two weeks, I slept on average three hours a night for the worst four months of my career, I know I got to senior management positions some chefs only dream of – but still, I couldn’t quit smoking. Eventually I gave up trying. So yeah, terrible place to be, in a deep dark hole with nothing but my excuses.

“Sometimes we must be broken, sent to the bottom, stripped of everything we value. Then from the ashes of our burnt-out ego do we find ourselves again, climbing back up the ladder with what little or no hope remains. A hard reset for the soul. Yet it’s also in these times we have an opportunity to recreate ourselves just the way we need to be.”

As much as I didn’t fully accept this (the quote) was what I was going through at the time, all that happened between then and now are the reasons for my new year revelations.

I had secured a job as a Chef De Partie at a popular international brewery in Fremantle, Western Australia. This venue was massive and busy, like extremely busy. On peak days during the summer we would serve thousands of patrons in a day. “Like nothing I have ever experienced” both my words and the Executive Chef hiring me. Going into this job I knew it was the last one I wanted to have before ending my career in hospitality, I did not tell anyone this though, for obvious reasons, but my idea for a new future was slowly forming. Being a senior chef and becoming one of the best very quickly, the responsibilities and expectations rose just as quick. I was responsible for a third to a half of the kitchen during service. Biggest challenge of my career to date but at the same time, thanks to the teams working beside me, it was the best damn job I ever had. This job even come with set eight hour shifts (AM crew / PM crew ), two consecutive days off and an end of financial year bonus – for a chef, that’s as good as it gets! Come March/April, the day that bonus landed in my account I had already decided where it was going. Thanks to the shift pattern and no overtime I had all this free time that I didn’t know what to do with! I even struggled to think of things I would enjoy doing other than play video games.

I was between the choice of a digital camera or a drone. I chose the drone and thanks to that decision it has eventually led me to a new passion and career choice. I remember growing up and often facing the question “if you could have one superpower, what would it be?” To fly, of course. I had both dreamed and daydreamed about taking flight and venturing as far as the wind would travel. No borders, no expensive plane tickets, just the open skies and my own desires. There was an abandoned power station not far from me, I drove passed it often and would always throw ideas of opportunity and potentiality for the space that lay dormant inside. I figured this would be the best place to learn how to fly. The giant rectangular concrete building dressed in shattered windows and robes of graffiti sat only a stones throw from a beautiful secluded beach. Perfect.

Not long after I was researching interesting locations and subjects around the state of Western Australia that I could travel to and fly around, that was followed by the yearning for more adventure, more risk, more experience, and more life. Once I had learnt the postproduction side of editing and creating short movies I fell back in love with storytelling, a passion from a younger self, that was then followed by the purchase of my first digital camera and the idea of capturing a thousand words in the form of a photographic still. I found myself again, remembered who and what I was.

Taking some time to reflect on what passion and drive was, it felt familiar but distant, like blowing dust from a grand-fathers wrist watch that had been passed down to you at an age it could’ve been worn as a belt than it would have a watch. A heavy moment with a weightless emotion. I could see my future again and intuitively knew the steps I had to take to get there, steps I am still taking today.

My head chef at the time and I were remarkably close, good friends if anything. I approached him and opened up. I told him about my ongoing court struggles (yep, that issue lasted two years, of which I also won near the end of the year), I told him my past struggles and I told him that once we had cleared the summer period, I was leaving to follow my dreams. He was pretty surprised by all of this, with me being the guy who was always active, smiling most of the time and always helping others at any opportunity. Being the legend he is, supported me in every way a best friend would.

2019 will be remembered as the year I conquered that dark hole, the darkest part of my soul, the fear. It will also be remembered as the year I found my passion again.

2020 – Regardless of what anybody achieved this year, will be remembered as the year a virus stopped the world. I had handed in my resignation notice for April, I was planning a trip to New Zealand starting June giving me a couple months with my family who live in WA, before leaving. Then once again, poo hit the fan, or should I say Covid hit the fan. My sister got cancer again – for the second time. Sometimes the hardest issues are the ones you can’t do anything about – I admire my sisters’ strength above absolutely anybody else on this planet (tied with my mother though), her outlook and consistency to tackling this issue cannot be described in words, not be me anyway. Our mother had booked a flight to head out and support her during surgery, but Qantas cancelled it two days before her departure and my sister was left to deal with it between herself and her partner whilst raising two young girls. This is the moment that taught me what it was to be powerless, vulnerable, and still have no option but to leave the country. Furthermore, she would be the one motivating me to go out, to travel and venture whilst I had the chance, what an absolute champion. She has recovered fully and beat it in her own way with her own decisions. This is another factor that plays heavily toward my new years revelations.

Whilst in Western Australia I hardly felt the lockdown as it was mainly focused on social distancing, in a state that is ten times bigger than the UK and has a population of 2.5 million people compared to the UKs 66.6 million. So I took the opportunity for a couple weeks of road tripping the west coast, treating myself to my second holiday in several years. It was also a chance to say goodbye to the country and people that had become home.

New Zealand closed their borders and my plans toward the future also changed, not necessarily the end goal but most certainly the path to get there. I slimmed down on years of belongings to two suitcases; one contained all my technology equipment, drone, camera, laptop and a few sets of travel clothes which I took on the plane with me, the other bag which I packed with all of my good clothes and sentimental items was sent via international courier to my home in the UK, this was unfortunately lost in transport. Gutted, I was being stripped yet again of all things I held dear, materialistic items, yes, but years of physical memories and some damn fine threads. I spent months attempting to recover it but life has its way of leaving you with only what is necessary. Lesson learnt, again, same same, just different.

“I lost it all and gained everything in return.”

Upon returning to the UK, lockdowns become increasingly restrictive, jobs were drying up and even as a last resort of going back into hospitality, they too have closed. I looked at what I had in front of me, my equipment, my passion, a roof over my head and a comfortable bed. I had said to myself that the rest of the year I would focus on healing myself from the years of hard work, excessive hours and high levels of stress. I would go to gain healthy weight and work through the old and buried psychological burdens. With time in surplus, I have also increased my knowledge of photography and editing to a near semi-professional level adding more quality to my passion. It has been very much a gift and a curse having this space and the outdoor restrictions, less so a curse as its only my constant desire to travel that suffocates me. And above all, you cant beat a good bit of quality time with your mother, I had been away for several years, distracted from family life, it was nice to be home again, for both of our sake, I am sure.

And now here we are, a conclusion to the revelations in a form of new years resolutions.

1. Health - Quit smoking. Health is important, very important if you hope to live longer. Now I have nothing against anyone who smokes, I acknowledge I smoked for nearly half of my life and by god I honestly enjoyed it. It also got me through some hard times albeit creating difficulties elsewhere, but it no longer serves me or my health in any way.

2. Outward - Develop my passion into a working lifestyle. Life is too short to spend time on things you don’t enjoy. I will longer serve the dreams of others who do not wish to benefit my life or those closest to me.

3. Inward – I will continue to find ways to improve myself, find growth, maintain peace and surrender to whatever divine being and/or plan leads my soul. I will only have an opinion on matters relevant to my life or those closest to me. What someone else thinks about me or otherwise, is none of my business.

I believe we all have the power to have a fresh start, on any day of the year, although if we can find an anchor point or meaning whether it be a lesson or even just an idea or a particular day like new years day or for the real warriors – a Monday! Then so be it. Don’t give up on yourselves or those closest to you, regardless of the situation your in. Pressure creates diamonds, right?

Thank you for your time in reading this part of my life journey, good luck for the year ahead and every year after. All the best.

Danny CJ Mitchell.