Speaking Up

I have finally reached the point at which I am able to speak up about the trauma I endured as the victim of domestic violence. Why was I unable to before? In all honesty, I was able to speak about it within a year after it happening, then I stopped. Because people were awful to me in response. Some did not believe me and believed I was making it up for attention. Some people did not possess the patience to listen and empathize because "why didn't you just walk out the door." Some people were interested in dating me and then changed their mind because how could anyone possibly date a woman who was the innocent punching bag of the pain and insecurity of a troubled man. Yes, there were people who did support me, and love me, and hold my hand as I healed, and yes they deserve all the credit and more, and yes I believe in spreading love and joy and miracles. This article has the objective of sharing the dark side of domestic violence and the dark side of climbing out of the hole of that trauma, because it exists, and burying it under the pressure to be sunshine and rainbows 24/7 ignoring that we are having a human experience is so not real and so not helping anyone.

I currently work carrying out my life purpose as a channel for healing others. As a "lightworker" I am very aware that with light comes dark, and that in order to fully embrace the balance of the universe and the true essence of this human experience I must also be a "shadowworker." Ignoring and stuffing down the "dark" and "shadows" only breeds more of it; fearing "dark" and "shadows" only makes them stronger. In order to heal we must let these demons out and sit down to tea with them. So here we are, letting out our demons and pouring herbal brew into glass cups.

Why do victims of abuse meet resistance when speaking out? Why are there people who do not believe us? I believe this is a reflection of them. A person who cannot empathize with another person and instead jump into disbelief has deep rooted issues within themselves and I pray for those people that they be met with grace and mercy on their healing journey. I used to dwell on this. I closed myself off after being beaten by a man, then I closed myself off again after starting my first chapter of speaking up and confiding in people I thought I could trust, for fear of meeting even more people who would ridicule me and place blame on me. Now I say NO MORE. If someone has a problem with me having a past of trauma and sharing that story as a modality of healing and inspiration for others, then they can keep on walking, I do not have room for them in my life. I wonder if they do it for fear of trauma and pain being contagious and they do not want it to rub off on their life, and I understand and respect that, everyone deserves the right to protect their energy. The irony is that I am willing to bet that 99% of those people already have trauma in their life, and that is why they are scared. And that is okay, I do not blame them. We are all scared. We are all doing the best we can do. I am here to tell you that the only way out is through. You cannot outrun this beast. You must look it straight in the eyes and untangle its cords.

How do you accomplish this? You let it all out. Cry it out, beat a wall, throw heavy things at a wall, scream, write and write until your hand cramps, tell a therapist, tell a friend, tell yourself, do yoga, stretch your hips (trauma is carried in the hips), meditate, Reiki, crystals, ayahuasca, sell everything and travel the world, do the absolute scariest thing you can think of because guess what? You already survived the absolute scariest thing and here you are, loving yourself enough to heal.