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Silence

And Darkness

By Alexandrea CallaghanPublished 5 years ago 3 min read
1

The silence woke her, the darkness was so deafening that her body could not ignore what wasn’t being said. Every cell in her body was screaming at her but no one could hear. She clawed and climbed attempting to escape the captivity that her thoughts had banished her to, but the higher she climbed the more she realized that the hole she was in was never-ending. She was unable to feel even herself, she wasn't even sure if she existed anymore. The only thing she had felt lately was the breathlessness that took her chest when the world started closing in on her. The walls threatening to crush her, her own body threatening to collapse in on itself. She could not breathe, she could not talk, or scream, she couldn't even cry. For crying would express an emotion and she no longer had any use for those. The cold, vacant, cavity that held everything vital for life was uninhibited by anything that made her feel alive.

She would go on to grin and bear it, she would continue to play the facade that nothing was wrong and that the warmth of the sun and the smell of fresh air meant anything to her. The reality, however, was that she was alone, alone in a deep, dark, cold cavern of emptiness. Others would hurry around her, go on with their daily lives and fail to notice that she was slipping away. She would soon wither into nothing, with nobody to even remember that she was ever there at all. She would fade away and the world would go on as normal, with not so much as a pause to remember the empty soul that was now gone. Not that she was all there beforehand.

She had long since been lost to a world of dark thoughts and empty emotions. Her surface was there but there was no more to her anymore. She was gone, the her that was a living, breathing, interacting caring person that is. Her shell would go on but it would go on without purpose, and without purpose, she was gone anyway. The world had hollowed her and taken any sort of identity that she had built within herself. Every time she started to stand tall again, a strong wind would take the legs out from under her and she was falling once again. All she could do was hold still and pray she didn’t land on her head. When she fell she was cold, so freezing it felt as if she were to bump something on her way down that she would shatter into a million meaningless pieces. So she kept quiet and held still, letting the world take her where it would. She had long since stopped questioning the universe and why it seemed to want to rid the earth of her, but ever so occasionally she wished that she knew why. Why she was here, why she felt like this, and why no matter how happy she tried so hard to be was the universe so intent on breaking her.

She once had a thought that the world around her wanted her to keep getting back up, wanting to make her stronger. She soon dismissed it feeling more as if her life was a game of cat and mouse, her being the helpless mouse and life being more than a house cat, life was chasing her, hunting her more like a tiger or mountain lion and there was really nowhere for her to hide. She felt a pain in her chest with every deep breath, but she kept breathing. She kept taking steps forward in an insane hope that things would start to change.

self help
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About the Creator

Alexandrea Callaghan

Certified nerd, super geek and very proud fangirl.

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