Serendipity

Looking back at moments brings me so much happiness in a way that I wouldn't even believe it could be. Serendipity, by basic common definition, is the unpredictable happy moments that we experience. To me, these moments can also be through memories.

The day this picture was taken was the same day that we left at 7 AM to drive six hours to get to the wrong place, got lost in the mountains without service, got a tour of a place that was basically a dream, then the car broke down... twice, we got stuck in traffic, then my best friend and I drove to Emo Nite dead tired, and drove one hour back home at 4 AM.

Through all of that, I spent time with people who will always be such a beautiful and serendipitous part of my summer in 2019.

This particular moment really defined so much of my summer, and until I was faced with the cold of winter, rain, and cloudy skies I barely noticed how much I needed this memory. For me, I am always most surprised at my reaction to memories.

The ability to feel the sun and my face and feel the wind through my skirt was something I was annoyed with at that time. So, this is why they say hindsight is 20/20. I feel like I’m going through a bit of a time with my life right now.

What I mean by “going through a bit of time with my life” is the fact that everything is much more important to me than it has ever been. I am happy with life and I want to keep living and adventuring and breathing, and this change has happened slowly until I moved to the UK.

Should I associate the growth with the place or myself. Initially, and even now, I want to give the place the credit, because I feel like it would be selfish. BUT, this is one of the few times where I get to give myself credit for what I have done and what I have been through, and from someone with my past, I need this.

I need these moments as I continue struggling with myself while laughing with friends and celebrating them. For the times that I find it hard to see one positive thing about myself that anyone in this world would love except my parents… and even then, it’s difficult.

I need these serendipitous moments when I’m crying over something that I no longer have the ability to control. Or the times where I cry over a loss of a loved one, an opportunity, or a moment I should have appreciated more.

Especially then do I need these random, happy memories.

I need these few times I get to say what I want about something that I have no control over. It really gives control to the uncontrollable. I think it’s more of a plea for understanding and numbing of these tumultuous feelings that I always have stirring inside me.

Though serendipity is unpredictable, acceptance of these moments and memories play a large part of the happiness that can follow a moment. So, kind of, overall, serendipitous moments to me don’t have to always be in the present. Because there are times that in that moment you do not appreciate the apparent joy that you have been given by the universe, by god, by whoever you believe or don’t believe in. But I think that redefining the meaning and the moment to call it what you need it to be, gives you the power to let go or keep a moment or a memory.