Self Love and Praise

Do you ever achieve something and never tell yourself you’re proud of yourself? A simple example: you studied really hard for an exam, put in the effort, and passed. You get your mates telling you congrats, and they pat you on the back. But did you take the time to say to yourself, "you did it!"

It can be for anything—a promotion, an assignment being completed on time, scoring a goal in soccer—you get the point.

If you don’t do this then you will never truly appreciate what you are capable of. You never realise that you are actually more successful than you think. You worked towards your goals, both big and small, and you benefited. You didn’t expect the result to just be handed to you but you genuinely made and effort and succeeded. I say that’s worth a lot. And you should celebrate it.

Now on the other hand if you work hard and fail an exam, still commend yourself. You made an effort. Think about it as a lesson being learnt. Ask yourself what you are supposed to learn from this. In hindsight it’s always easier but if you practice asking "what lesson?" it becomes easier and easier to see them and you figure out quickly what to do and you move on without even being too fussed.

I’m not saying don’t allow yourself to feel the emotion that comes with it, just don’t less that emotion drag you down where you can't get back up. Feel the emotion, cry if you have to, get it all out, and then dry your tears and start again.

So you’re probably saying: what lesson would I have had to learn from failing an exam? Maybe it’s as simple as you deserve an A and you will focus a little more this time so that you will get what you deserve. If you just barely passed, then you would have accepted it and sent yourself an unintended message that you deserve and you’re okay with the bare passes (in life).

On the other hand if you did barely just pass the first or second time, then maybe it’s because you don’t need an A. The exam was just one of those stupid things the education system put to make us feel as if we’re stupid with a pass when in actuality we’re not. It could have been an exam that would have no impact whatsoever on your future.

Everybody’s journey is different, but every path we end up on has its unique challenges for you alone. So you can decide to accept that the universe is giving you all the tools YOU need to have a better life. It’s all how you look at it—perspective.

In case you’re wondering, I am the latter—barely passed some exams, failed, and then barely passed, excelled in a few. And in hindsight, what was my lesson? The degree I came out with (with a below average GPA) was solely for me to say I have a piece of paper that qualifies me. This piece of paper got me a decent job right of university and guess what? Today, 10 years after graduating I never once used anything I learnt at university. I had to learn a whole different level of company oriented things (things in my opinion I actually think you don’t need a degree to do—just dedication). I had to start from scratch and learn all over again how to work the system. This was when I truly started to appreciate that the universe is for me and I wasted many nights crying over a fail/poorly resulted exam.

I then started to change my mind set and life became progressively easier. I fussed less about the things that didn’t work out as I thought they should. I just let them go. I looked for the lessons—some were harder, some I am still looking for. I praised myself for giving whatever it was my best. I started to be grateful more and more for the little things that so many people around the world don't have, and I so easily got them all.

When you commend yourself for everything, you start to realize your worth. You appreciate your struggles and become a stronger person. You don’t need someone else to see your worth. You need to see it. And when you do, I promise you everyone else will also see it. They will treat you to the standard your treat yourself. No questions asked.

Before you go to sleep every night, run through you day and commend yourself for getting through all the little and big stuff. Don’t fuss about the things you didn’t get finished; there’s always tomorrow. Unfortunately, work never dies, but you do.

Allow me to share one more personal story. In 2013 I attempted the PMP exam (supposedly a very valid and hyped and qualified exam around the world) and I failed, miserably I might add. In 2013 I attempted it again. I put in so much extra hours studying and doing research on the information, but I failed again. In 2017 I made one final attempt, working even harder this time. Just to note, I was already doing well in my job. During the exam, I found it was hard and I had no idea if I was going to pass. I remember asking myself, "Why are you even doing this exam? You don’t need it and you definitely don’t agree with a lot of the information." It was already paid for and I invested my time to get there so I pushed through and finished it. I found out at the end of it that I passed. I did really well actually. But I didn’t feel the satisfaction I thought I would have. Today, a year later, it hasn’t helped me to get a raise, better job, or growth in any way. I have yet another certification that is sitting in some drawer serving no purpose. Who knows? Maybe the reason I passed was solely for me not to get a crazy idea a few years from now that I needed to pass it and waste time attempting it all over again. At the end of the day, I am still learning as well. Hey, at least I acknowledged before the exam was done that it wasn't going to serve me.

Just because something serves someone else doesn’t automatically mean it will serve you. Think wisely before you follow others. Know what is worth and follow what serves YOU.