Returning to Vocal After 5 Months of Not Writing
What's a subtitle, again?
This is funny because I don’t even know where to begin anymore or what to write. I strangely feel obligated to write that I haven’t been writing before I write more stories.
When I discovered Vocal, I felt a certain call to write as I fell in love with the community and vision that Vocal is creating, and I saw an opportunity for myself to expand myself as a business. I could see the path to success. I signed up to be Vocal Plus Creator. I had committed.
At first, I was dedicated to writing. I was brainstorming new ideas for stories and had put some out somewhat consistently. Often though, I found myself feeling passionate about pieces I had written only to publish them and have little to no views.
Which is a shitty feeling. There’s no way around it. So, I sat with that feeling for a while.
Then I began only writing for the Challenges that would pop up in an attempt to “WIN”. Not to say that what I wrote wasn’t authentic, but when the Challenges are the only reason that you’re writing there’s no way it would be successful.
Then I began to get carried away with my daily life. I had become a yoga teacher during a pandemic. I was starting to teach my classes during the summer at a safe capacity and devoting myself to that. I got promoted to manager at my studio. Things on their surface appeared well.
Underneath, however, I was unsatisfied with myself. I had lots of negative habits that would spiral me into negative thought patterns. I stopped dedicated myself to my own practice of yoga and just focused on teaching. Which for those that don’t know, is a big no-no for yoga. As a teacher, you need to be advancing your own practice constantly.
Before I knew it, 5 months had passed and I hadn't written anything. No journaling. No brainstorms. No somewhat controversial-yet-brave political opinions. Nothing. As I watched other writers succeed, I diminished myself and beat myself up for not putting in the work like I knew I should have been.
Writing has always been an escape for me. In the past, I found it difficult to effectively communicate my thoughts verbally, so writing became a way for me to fully express myself. It was personal. It was loving. It was self-care.
And I stopped.
I realize now that it's all connected. My lack of devotion to my own practice whether it be writing or yoga, put me into a negative spiral of unwanted thoughts that pushed me to feel resentful of myself for not being perfect.
While at the same time, I was telling my yoga students, friends, and family, that it's okay not to be perfect.
I wasn’t practicing what I was preaching.
I laugh at myself in retrospect. Because at no point was I incapable of success. I just didn’t put in the work that was necessary for it.
Where I find myself now is feeling recentered, refocused, and resolved. As I write this on a beach that my parents invited me to for a mini-vacay, I understand that the life I envision for myself isn’t so far out of reach anymore. I just have to reach out and claim it.
In that vision is being a Freelance Writer/Blogger/Commentator-of-Life-Person while traveling the world and teaching yoga. I have a voice and I have much to say. So, I think it's time that I be Vocal.
A word of advice for anyone that chooses to read this. Never give up. You will fail. You will fall. You will want to give up. You may lose sight of the goalposts. You may lose yourself in the maze of life. You may fall off the path...
But understand this:
This is all part of the journey. This is where resolve is found. This is where dedication is built. This is where your purpose is tested.
Your dreams are waiting for you to reach out and claim them, but they won't be handed to you.
Gratefully Yours, - Ju
P.S. - If you liked this story, feel free to check out the rest of my stories, random thoughts, and pieces all on my profile! And if you want to see what my life looks like, stalk me or follow me on Instagram for regular shenanigans, my yoga journey, and occasionally thirst traps for your viewing pleasure! Namaste - Ju