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Releasing Control

Allowing yourself just to Flow

By Lisa MariePublished about a year ago Updated about a year ago 7 min read

We as humans love to try and control everything in our lives. We tend to put ourselves in a frenzy mentally when we can't seem to control certain occurrences in life that manifest. I know for myself I had this terrible habit of forcing, not allowing, and creating this super strong resistance to things when they were changing.

Change has always been difficult for me. Even the ones I knew would be essential for my own growth. Change is uncomfortable, it can also hurt or be exhilarating. I do not believe that there are bad changes and good changes though. We live in a world of duality that holds two sides. How your own perspective is on the situation is then and only then labeled good or bad.

After much self-reflection and going through experiences, I have learned that to control something means I do not trust the process. It creates chaos in my head, anxiety, depression, low vibrations, uncertainty, fearfulness, and low self-esteem. In addition to those emotions I felt, it also means that I am mentally choosing to feel these emotions that are attached to the situation I am wanting to control.

It can be very challenging to allow something to be. To not think about the future or keep going back to a past event(s) that I would immerse myself in. I would then create storylines of outcomes I fear would happen. It was a disillusionment, an unhealthy one. Not the kind with reality and a touch of fantasy. This disillusionment would disconnect me from myself, friends, family, and partner. The need to be in control was being controlled by my ego and desire to not change.

I then sat back one day and thought in a deep self-reflection. If I have this much mind power to sit back and visualize something to the point of it creating emotions that I did not like the feeling too why do I just not put this energy into thoughts that make me feel the opposite and visualize situations in my life whether they happened or not that would raise my vibration and make me feel grateful and joy, comfort, and love? I believe truly, that the mind is so powerful and we give it too much power. When any kind of power is given to any one person it must be used in a manner that does not destroy but build. Power is a very POWERFUL tool. We see many leaders and "leaders" in this world who had so much power but did not know how to use it for the right purposes. Therefore, causing self-destruction and destruction to others and themselves.

Holding a vision of yourself and painting it in the best light and version you can possibly make is a step forward in becoming mentally strong. When we learn to rewire our paradigm and recreate ourselves peeling the layers of a preconditioned society, how we grew up and simply pulling out the roots that are not allowing us to grow any more we then will learn how to release control and flow.

Being in the flow state is one of the most beautiful places to be. It allows you to create on levels you never even knew you had access to. The flow state also allows one to really understand and get to know themselves on a deeper soul level. It allows you to find your purpose and create beautiful things in life and be a service to others. Many of us have trouble releasing ourselves and not being attached to the outcome of a project, relationship, career move, or any life situation at hand. We want to know the outcome, we want that reassurance. Life is not about that though. Life is about accepting change, taking chances, feeling emotions, accepting failures because without failure there is no success, and learning great lessons.

How I have learned to detach from situations and just release so I may flow is by simply doing the best I can do in anything I am doing. Showing up every day and being prepared for anything in my day because I understand we live in a world of duality. This for me is essential for mentality and growth. How I react to situations I can not control such as events and people throughout my day is a major vibrational shift. I must continue learning every day and be open-minded to change.

Challenging myself every day also has been a big game-changer. It can be something as small as telling myself: Today I am waking up at 5am for morning meditation, I will set aside blocked time for certain projects,I will start that one thing I keep saying tomorrow too. DISCIPLINE! not COMPLACENT. Setting goals and challenging the old version of myself is very beneficial in recreating the upgraded version I know is there.

Recreating my habits as well as my own thought process are key to my journey. Once you recreate your own thought process with not only mental positive self-talk but power that behind actions you will find that trusting the process and allowing things to be will always work out in the end. At times I feel my faith wanting to waiver and when I want to control and not flow I ask myself this one question, Who am I not to trust?

Placing my energy into things that give me purpose and things I truly love and want to explore about myself has been the most invigorating but also the most eye-opening experience I can give myself that will continue to be an experience for the rest of my life. When situations happen to me that I know I have done my best in, learned a lesson from, or involve an individual and the outcome is not favorable or something. I know that if I try anymore I am forcing not allowing it to be I can say I'm consciously aware, pause and redirect myself. Sometimes we just need to allow things to just be. Not to forget about it like it never mattered. But to process the feelings, give yourself the time to understand the situation and create this space for yourself by closing your eyes, taking a deep breath feeling the moment, opening your eyes and placing your left hand over your heart center, and feeling the gratitude for what is.

It may be you are going through a breakup and it is not something you wanted. Maybe you are the person who made the mistake, maybe they are, or perhaps it's a mutual parting ways. Regardless, there is hurt especially after separation. We as humans want so badly to try and fix the situation due to attachment and the unknown. We will call, text, email, and almost act like a crazed person. In reality, all this is doing is making the situation worse. I am not saying to not try. However, I am saying to find balance and create a safe, understanding environment for the person and yourself. We often will see separation as the worst thing ever. But in every transition in life, there is a lesson. This would not be the time to force but instead sit and reflect with yourself in a quiet place. Take time to do self-work. Ask yourself the whys. Such as "why do I feel this way?" answer, "because my partner and I are not together." Another question, "Why are you guys not together?" answer.

You will keep asking the whys until you have no more whys to ask. Not only will this help you understand your flaws in the relationship but it will help you reflect on your partner as well and who you really are and what you want to change. We must all remember, not just in breakups but in all life situations, when emotions are high intelligence is low. The best way to create the life you want is to have a vision, recreate yourself, and keep being better. As Kobe Bryant said, "The goal is to be better today than you were yesterday."

People who hold visions, do not react to emotions, do their best, and trust the process will see how much they become less resistant and feel the need to control. Once you fully surrender and just allow everything to just be, your whole life will change in ways you never thought. The ego likes to hold onto control and old emotions and attachments. Practicing self-love, patience, discipline, and being in the present moment will allow you to release and flow. If your mind starts to wander do a simple practice to bring you back into the now. Take a few slow deep breaths and look at your surroundings. Where are you? Who's around? What sounds do you hear? Feel it, Immerse yourself in it, be it. LIVE IT! LET GO and FLOW.

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About the Creator

Lisa Marie



To be that shining light in someones life

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