RECONNECT TO SELF

Many of us made New Years resolutions on December 31, 2019, no doubt. We rang in 2020, a new year and new decade, with excitement and promise. Little could any of us had predicted the turmoil and unrest that this year would bring. I offer to you the idea that 2020 is a year of clear vision, if you allow for it to be. The year for me has not been without its challenges, turmoil, heartbreak, and surprises. I like many was furloughed from my employment. My dear aunt, with whom I was extremely close, died suddenly. This year, I dare say, has been one I shall never forget. I knew that I had a choice in how I chose to experience my life, amid everything going on around me.

I decided, in late June, to drive across the country. This decision was on a whim, of sorts. I was walking in the park with a dear friend and I said to him: “you know what, lets just drive to California”. That is exactly what we did. I went home packed some bags and set off on a journey across this country. The trip was amazing. I was able to see things with my own eyes that I’d only seen on television and in pictures. The Grand Canyon was breathtaking. The mountains, the desserts, the plains, the mesas, the hills, all magnificent. It was an 11-day journey. I got back to my apartment, in Atlanta, and felt completely conflicted. I knew that there was still something missing. I then drove to Chicago and visited the doctor, while I was there. The doctor informed me that my blood pressure was through the roof and that bloodwork indicated that my body was experiencing inflammation markers that were above normal. He said to me “you are so stressed out that you consciously don’t recognize it. Your body is sending you a clear message.” He was telling me, in essence, that I was so disconnected from myself and stressed that I could literally cause myself to have a heart-attack or stroke!

That visit to the doctor, and the scare that it produced, was the best thing that could have happened to me. It woke me up! The idea that I was disconnected to the point that I could not recognize that my heart rate and blood pressure were well beyond normal was jilting. I decided that day that I would do whatever it took to reconnect to that part of myself that I had been disconnected from. This was the beginning of a journey that has literally been life changing. I returned to Atlanta and decided to get back on the road and drive across the country again. This time I would take myself along with me.

The morning I set out, the second time, I began my day with meditation. I allowed my mind to clear and to breathe deeply, as I connected to that SOURCE of all things. I got in my car and I made a conscious decision to connect to who I really am. I had no time frame, no set agenda, I made this be about the relationship between where I was in that moment and my higher self. I can tell you that during that journey I made discoveries and had revelations about parts of myself that I clearly had disconnected from and/or ignored. I realized that I had spent so much time being externally focused that I had neglected my inner-being. The journey has been far more entailed and in-depth that I can write about in this article. The point of all of this is that 2020, with all its madness, can be just the opportunity needed to reconnect to that part of you that is often neglected. When you find a way to connect to that higher, more exalted, self you will experience life in a way that words fail to accurately describe. This reconnecting is something that many faiths and spiritual practices talk about. Even psychologists, mind scientists, therapists, counselors, etc, speak about the need to stay connected and practice mindfulness.

I simply want to offer my experience as one story of one person that decided that he would not allow what was going on around him and in the world to take precedence over his life. This new-found social restrictiveness and isolation is so disturbing to many. That is because so many of us have not taken the time to develop that important relationship with self. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel and to connect to those muted parts of yourself that often go ignored. Take a walk by the river or the lake, start journaling, write that book you always wanted to write, start singing again, learn to meditate or do yoga. Do whatever it is that you must to reconnect. You do not have to “find” yourself because you are not lost. But you do have to take the time to discover what has always been there.