Prioritise Your Life

Prioritising yourself is selfish but if you do not do so, then you are doomed to attempt to please everyone. This is something which is impossible.

Connections are essential in life. No human is an island and therefore, friends, family colleagues and even the man who randomly says hello, are important. We are social creatures and need to connect. 

The Time in Your Life

The problem with connecting with others is that you cannot physically spend your time with all of them.

With work reaching up to 40 hours per week and sleep totalling 49 hours per week, half of your week is gone before you even pick up the phone. 

This leaves 79 hours each week to eat, socialise, shop, drink and if you have a family, be a parent. If you then add socialising on top of this, you begin to see the problem. There simply are not enough hours in the day to see everyone. You will end up pleasing no one and most likely losing some of your connections.

The logical question can then be pondered. What is the point? If you are doomed to please no one, then what is the point? Why try if it will lead to unhappines? To answer that we need to go back to the comment relating to us being social creatures.

Social Creatures

As an only child of a single parent household I know a thing or two about being alone. Don't get me wrong, friends have always existed in my life, but a large slice of my life revolves around being solo, yet I always craved the chance to socialise.

As soon as I arrived at University it was like an explosion of possibility. Not with the fairer sex but for my social world, I was spoilt for choice. This sounds as though I was in a supermarket, choosing my free range friends, but that was not the case. What is meant by my comment here is that for the first time in my life, I was surrounded by people. From the irritating to the essential, choice was everywhere.

Going out for a beer or to the club was a nightly occurance at times, with coffee at Starbucks becoming an almost daily ritual. The essential thought here is that despite my quiet upbringing I desired the company of others, as this is in our nature. The pandemic proved this. Take us away from our friends and family and we will do everything we can to see them.

COVID-19

A pandemic arrived to change the world last year. You do not need to hear more than this, as unless you have been sleeping under a rock, the story should be known to you. 

Since its arrival in England I have not been to my Mum's house or to see my Aunt. For nearly 18 months the only contact I have had is through the telephone. The same can be said for my friends, although I have managed to see them at a distance. 

The pandemic removed our digital centres and so what did we do as a species? We used what we had at our fingertips. Zoom quizzes and memes helped us share our suffering with the world.

Social media worked for once as a powerful connector. Being able to see others make light of the situation helped us to do the same. 

It also taught us the value of priority. This is in reference to post lockdown life. As restrictions have been eased we have been able to see our friends again, yet for those that we did not Zoom, we find that there is no rush. We have a list of those we want to see and some will unfortunately fall.

Prioritise

At work we need to prioritise. We need to 'walk' in each day and pick up where we left the day before. What is essential, what can be left until tomorrow and what needs a little more thought. These are essential considerations but then how do you apply that logic to your friends? Should you even do so? Is it fair?

For me it is not only fair, it is essential, if you have multiple offers on your time, how do you choose?

To begin with we look at my life priorities:

1. My Health
2. My Fiancee
3. My Career
4. My Friends
5. My Family

My priority list will most likely look very different compared to yours. Most people will place their family higher and that is fine. This list is personal and yours will be also. The essential consideration is that it is my list.

How Do I Use the List?

If my friend wants me to jump off a bridge, then I will not as number 4 is not as important as number 1. The same is true for my fiancee. When it comes to the weekend I will prioritise time with my fiancee. If it is her birthday and that of a friend, then I will choose my fiancee as she is number 2 whilst friends are number 4. 

You broadly get the picture as to what I am saying here. Arrange the essential pillars of your life and you will easily be able to make choices. 

Within these categories there are shades of grey such as interviewing and which friends to meet up with. In context of the latter I have a core group of friends, the loyalists that I trust with my life.

Okay, not that extreme, as I don't plan on heading to war, yet I am closer to them than others. It's something that is not personal and we all do the same, yet I can admit to it. I prioritise seeing them over others. Why? There are only so many hours in the week.

A Final Thought

Priorities help you achieve your goals. When it comes to friends they help you choose who you want to spend your time with. I am blessed with a great group of friends, yet understand that there are only a certain number of hours in the week. I physically cannot see everyone to the level that I would like. 

Having a list of priorities can help you continue forward and not get overwhelmed. Life will throw you many options as to friends and you need to choose which to reel in and which to throwback. You will care and be cared about more by some than others.

The pandemic removed ease and made us choose. Now that restrictions are peeling back, I choose to focus on the core, on those who have always and will always be there for me.

Those I miss and those I count on. When it comes to the others, what will be, will be.