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Pre-30 Crisis

Intentions of 29

By Rii PiercePublished 3 years ago 4 min read
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At 12:14 on June 15, 1992, I went live. This blessed body was born to the earth and ready to begin a new life. 3 days ago, I turned 29. And the days leading up to that day had all forms of emotional rollercoaster-ing happening. I wanted to basically go about the day as any other; no specific attention to it being my birthday, no fuss, no nothing. Just another day. The people in my life had other ideas though, specifically my brother, who would not let the day go by with at least a little acknowledgement. I’m incredibly grateful for him, as his persistence served as a reminder that I am, in fact, very loved by at least some members of my family. (My family dynamic is complicated, and not in any way relevant to this story… moving on).

Over the years I occasionally remember a line from Donald Glover’s stand up, “Weirdo” that for some reason has stuck with me as fact. It was a brief commentary on a person being basically who they will be for the rest of their lives by the time they’re 30. Now, as 29 was approaching, that line kept ringing in my head. So, here I am, basing my decisions on a comment from stand up comedy. But it’s Gambino, so, I’mma run with it. This means, I officially have one year to become the person I want to be for the rest of my life. No pressure or anything.

So who the hell do I want to be?

I spend way too much time researching things I should just be doing. One of those things was a woman talking about her rejection of New Year’s resolutions, and setting intentions instead. This being a new year of my life, another lap around the sun, I figured what better time than this to set some intentions for who I want to be, and how I want to spend the next year around the sun.

I could go with your basic personal development choices; being healthy, accomplishing all my goals and being motivated and determined and all that shit. I’ve done this almost every year so far since my mid twenties, and have yet to end the year how I wanted to. So, this year, I’m going about things a little bit differently. All of these things are usually outward accomplishments. “I want to be ripped as shit, I want to publish a book, I want to somehow become independently wealthy” etc. etc. But they never hit to the heart of the issue of why these things never get accomplished by the end of the year. They never look inward.

So it’s time to look inward. Establishing boundaries and a sense of trust within myself. Belief in myself. I’m 29 years old, and I have 29 years worth of baggage left undealt with. I’ve just been standing at baggage claim watching it go by, and saying, “meh, I’ll get it when I feel like it.” Shit, I don’t feel like it. I don’t feel like it at all. But I can’t leave the damn airport till I grab by damn bags. I can’t unpack them til I finally claim them, take them home, and open the damn things.

It’s going to suck. And it’s going to be hard, and messy, and emotional. But I don’t want to live the rest of my life being stuck at the airport. I don’t want to live the rest of my life standing at baggage claim, pretending like everything’s fine and I’m supposed to stand there endlessly watching the circle of other people’s shit being picked up and handled, while mine rolls on by for another round.

Coming to terms with all these things isn’t ever going to be easy or fun. No one ever said it would be, and there’s a reason I’ve been standing here so long. I don’t want to deal with it. But life is more than waiting. I have living to do that can’t be done in a frozen position. I’ve set my intentions for the year, and hope to lay the foundation for how I want the rest of my life to proceed. And it sure as shit doesn’t involve standing in one place. Things in motion stay in motion, while that at rest, tends to stay at rest. It’s getting from a resting position to one of motion, of action.

I spent 28 researching. Trying to figure out how to “fix” me courtesy of endless blogs and master Google. 29 is a year for action. A year to set in motion what my future will hold. As much as holding the desired end result up as a carrot for motivation is said to work, it never has for me. It’s what I carry with me day to day that makes a difference. Making conscious decisions and living with purpose and intention, one day at a time.

Find me in on the next lap around the sun. Let’s see what 30 has to say.

self help
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About the Creator

Rii Pierce

(She/her.)Words have inexplicable power. ONE word has the power to change any situation just as quickly as it takes to form. Avid writer, voracious reader, compelled activist, and anxious creator, I am newly embracing what I have to offer.

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