Overcome Obstacles Without Becoming a Pessimist

Time problem.

You got up almost at dawn to quickly check your email, and then go about your business. And they were unpleasantly surprised to see the changes to the project, which they considered completed. Now you need to spend a few more hours on it, and you have plans. Perhaps you wanted to devote the whole day to your family, go to friends, go fishing, go shopping.

Or vice versa — you decide to deal with the accumulated urgent matters, and a friend calls you, who immediately needs your help. And you are constantly interrupted, and you put off work.

As a result, there are many plans, a lot of things to do, and there are only 24 hours in a day. You don’t know what to take.

Money problem.

Even if there is a lot of time, often there is not enough money to achieve the goal (and sometimes there is not enough of either). For example, you are driving a car on a fine sunny day, enjoying the scenery and your favorite music, which sounds so rich and bass in the new stereo system.

A moment later, someone cuts you off sharply, you hit a curb and leave a huge dent in your car. The day is lost, repairs are ahead, attempts to prove that you were cut, and you can already clearly see how much this trip will cost you.

All the savings for a new suit, a refrigerator, and even a vacation go to the car. Absolutely unplanned.

Ability problem.

You went to a furniture store and bought a big beautiful wardrobe. Take the instructions, tools and start assembling — it’s so simple. Trying to tighten the last bolts, you find that you have mixed up the top and bottom and screwed the shelves on the wrong side. Now you need to fix the error, and for this, you have to disassemble everything and start over. You scold the furniture store, think it would be better to go to Ikea, disassemble and try to reassemble the cabinet. You often double-check yourself and want it all to end soon.

You are afraid to repeat your mistake, you are nervous, and often because of this, you are mistaken again.

Science will save us.

These obstacles can be overcome if you know how to change (or not change) your goals in the right way. A new study from the University of Heidelberg (2018) has shown that it is not goal-setting as such that is dangerous for the psychological state of a person. Dangerous is initially high expectations that are not adjusted when circumstances get in the way of our “best plans.”

In other words, it’s not the failure to achieve something itself that leads to depression and stress (this happens to everyone), but an unrealistically high bar and an inability to adapt to changing conditions. Such as a friend in need, an unexpected curb, or edits on a day off from a client.

Experiment.

Description of the experiment itself for those who need facts. The researchers selected a group of students with different levels of depressive symptoms and compared their ability to respond to feedback when solving cognitive tasks. Participants set goals for themselves, which could be made more difficult or easier in the process, depending on the feedback on their work.

The results showed that participants with high scores for depressive symptoms set more challenging goals than those with low scores. That is, people prone to depression initially set themselves up to perform unrealizable tasks. When they had the opportunity to revise their estimates, they lowered the bar, but the work still turned out to be less than perfect.

As a result, according to the researchers, unrealistic goals lead to frequent negative experiences and contribute to the development of depression. You set yourself too ambitious a goal, in the process, you lower the bar and remain dissatisfied with yourself. You repeat this over and over again, destroying your self-esteem.

Humans solve problems by archiving goals.

Now let’s move on to practice — using the results of research to solve problems of time, money, and abilities.

Time.

In the case of a lack of time, you should not adjust your goals, it is enough to postpone them for an acceptable period. For example, go fishing or stay with your family next weekend. That’s all you need to do: don’t change the goals per se (if they’re realistic, of course), instead, change the time frame for achieving them.

Money.

If you have an unexpected expense, there’s no point beating yourself up for a costly mistake (it’s already happened). Better reconsider your expectations. For example, plan to buy a suit or a refrigerator after you save money for it again, but in the meantime, solving the more important problem of car repair.

Capabilities.

If you see yourself doing something wrong, remind yourself that no one is perfect and mistakes like this are inevitable. They assembled the wardrobe incorrectly — nothing, it happens to everyone. You can leave it like that (the original design!) Or calmly redo it, without blaming yourself for the fact that “you can’t even assemble the furniture.”

Achieving goals is an important part of anyone’s life. Set realistic goals, do not be afraid to adjust these goals and change the deadlines in case of unforeseen circumstances, and you will never give up on the path to new achievements.