Motivation logo

On The Right Path

One story about how chance encounters can alter your path.

By CONLEYPublished 2 years ago 16 min read
Like
"Where nature blooms, so does hope."

Decisions in life are one of the most important things to me. Sometimes I find it so difficult to make one, anxious about it being the wrong one, that I make no decision at all. All of our choices, confusions, crossroads, and even coincidences lead us right to where we need to be. We are always exactly where we’re supposed to be, or so I do my best to believe in that theory.

Have you ever felt like you’ve chosen the wrong line to get into at the grocery store? The one that looks short but ends up taking much longer than you’d expect such a short line would take. Or have you ever switched lanes in traffic because you thought another lane was moving a bit faster? But once you get in that new lane, it’s at a dead-stop again and you feel like you’ve been tricked because the lane you just left is inching along now leaving you behind. It’s in these small, almost irrelevant moments that we might feel as if we made the wrong decision. But even choices like these ones could never be the wrong choice because they will eventually lead us to the experiences in life we’re just meant to have. Maybe you chose to be patient in the line and didn’t take your frustration with waiting out on the cashier. Maybe it’s the decision to remain polite during your order that turns the cashier’s day around. Maybe your decision to choose this line wasn’t because you deserved to wait longer and the Universe wanted you to be miserable but instead you were meant to spread joy to someone new today.

Something might just come along next and you’ll feel as if you are at exactly the right place at exactly the right time. Without that traffic or grocery line or whatever it may be, you would have never managed to get to that right place on time. You might have never made it there at all.

And so here we are in this moment together as I prepare to share with you how a random Tinder encounter changed the entire course of my life. It’s so hard sometimes to truly believe that every person you encounter in your life serves some type of purpose. It’s definitely not easy to have faith in serendipity when a stranger appears into your life just to leave you crushed, full of heartache and self-doubt.

So basically one day I have a roommate and the next she up and leaves without a word. This is probably a good lesson for me to remember that hooking up with roommates maybe isn’t the greatest of choices. She came to fall in love with me and I don’t really do love and was very open and honest about that from the beginning. So she made a decision she thought was best for her and her departure resulted in me seeking comfort through random hookups.

The first comfort seeking sexcape was with an old coworker I had already hooked up with inside of my mind. I felt accomplished by crossing him off my sex list but trying to eliminate my feelings by distracting myself with sex just wasn’t cutting it this time. I craved additional comfort and I desperately wanted this to be more than just my typical smash-and-dash. That childhood trauma and fear of abandonment found its way back into my life yet again and unfortunately for me, one night stands aren’t filling the void this time around.

To no surprise, it turned out that my ex-coworker was not actually my soulmate like I convinced myself he was. The day I decided to give up on this fantasy was the day I decided to create a new false soulmate facade in my daydreams. I finally decided to open terrible Tinder once again, hoping to find comfort in attractive men, even if it was just from a simple conversation.

A boy I had given my number to already (and ditched out on days prior) sent me another message. My decision to respond again and not back out this time would unknowingly shape the months ahead of me in ways I could have never anticipated.

My phone screen is filled with new matches and too many messages with nothing more than a lame “hey.” This place has all different styles and types of dudes; a paradise for anyone into diversity. I decided to invite over this guy for a smoke session with me and my cousin.

He had said, “Dab?” instead of “Hey” and I was instantly into it.

Prior to arriving at my apartment that evening, I told Tinder Boy that we can keep it casual as I’m leaving the country relatively soon. He mentioned he was just joking to a friend about hoping to find someone who wanted to take him away from here. What are the chances he found someone looking to get away from here? And what are the chances that my cousin’s baby-daddy is this dude’s mailman? Weirdly connected already.

I ended up leaving Europe unexpectedly much earlier than I had originally anticipated. I never felt anything like this before— an instant, intense connection. From the moment his Vans hit my hardwood floors, there was a sense of familiarity. I had never felt so comfortable with a stranger. Shoot, I had never felt so comfortable with anyone at all ever. I could be my goofy, ditzy self and not feel even a little embarrassed or weird about it. Tinder Boy may probably once-upon-a-time have been out of my league in the looks department but luckily I outgrew being ugly. Now I’m on the same playing field as the tall guy with the green eyes and I know I’m worthy and deserving of this. All these years I never settled for anything less than what I thought I wanted and deserved. Then somehow here in this introductory moment, it looked as if all my patience had paid off. Totally worth the wait.

I spent several years living and teaching in South Korea and what do ya know? Tinder Boy is a huuuuge K-pop fan. He must feel a bit silly being a grown man rocking out to an Asian boy band because he asked me if that was the lamest thing about him. I let him know it happened to be my favorite thing about him. Just like that, I discovered we have a common interest in Korea, a place that has shaped a lot of who I am and a place of extreme importance to my life. Here is this handsome, too-good-to-be-true kind of guy looking so fine in his backwards snapback, completely into something that feels like not many more people besides me are into. What are the odds?

An even weirder coincidence is that Tinder Boy grew up playing basketball with my biological brother! I have actually only met my bio bro once and I was 22 when that happened. And here’s Tinder Boy, telling me about how he grew up with my brother. How is this even happening?

One day Tinder Boy is in my apartment meeting my cousin and then the very next day he’s inviting me to his apartment because he’s having a work party. I met this dude not 24 hours prior to this invitation and he’s already feeling comfortable enough to introduce me to his co-workers? Is this too fast? Are we being “spontaneous?” Is this how you go with the flow? Are we having a “when you know, you know” kind of moment? Normally this would be weird, right? And where did my entire being that’s ever existed go because I’m not one for a day two let alone a meet and greet.

It didn’t feel weird at all. In fact, I felt emotionally secure with this guy. I swear I knew him in a past life. What else could explain how we just align together so well, so easily?

I went to his work party and I vibed with his people. It was like they were my people too. I wanted to be around these people more often. I wanted to be around Tinder Boy forever.

I think our developing feelings were mutual because the next morning, I was in the woods watching Tinder Boy and his bestie play disc golf. I had just been granted an entire weekend escape from my damaged inner-childhood wounds that have been tearing me apart the better half of this year. The Universe blessed me with my dream boy who provided an atmosphere of pure bliss. I had never felt anything like this before. It felt so foreign yet so natural. I could be completely authentic without any anxiety. A weekend bender on lust instead of alcohol and I was strung out on desire.

Like all other good things in life, I just couldn’t keep my composure and had to ruin everything. I felt as if there was no possible way I could feel like this for another human at all, especially not so quickly. Remember how I mentioned that I don’t normally do the love thing? Yet somehow, someway, I’ve fallen completely head over heels in just a few days. However, I was already packed and booked for Europe in just two weeks with no real plan to return. Surely I couldn’t continue to put myself in this emotionally vulnerable situation just to get up and abandon it.

I decided to tell Tinder Boy how I felt and how I’m unsure if what I’m feeling is real or if my desire for comfort right now is blinding me from my true emotions. I told him it would be best for me mentally if we just stopped while we were ahead. He told me I was the realest person he’d ever met. He told me his life had become better by knowing me. He told me I had good vibes and then he reminded me to stay dope forever.

I couldn’t take it. Immediately I regretted this decision and spent the next two weeks trying to convince Tinder Boy to hang out with me again before I left the country. I had zero luck and he had nothing but phony excuses. His disc golf bestie told me he’d been Tinder Boy’s friend since their childhood and he has never seen Tinder Boy so distraught before. Tinder Boy recently ended a seven year relationship and his bestie has never seen him this distraught? After just one weekend? How is it possible that two evenings and one morning could be enough time to make me or him feel like this?

Thinking about never seeing Tinder Boy again was outrageously devastating. I couldn’t imagine my life without the chance to get to know more about him. He felt like everything I had ever dreamed of. I finally fuckin’ found my perfect match and I barely hesitated before allowing it to implode right in front of me.

I continued to reach out to him periodically while I was in Spain. The wounds were still fresh and I desired nothing else at all but to get back to his energy. What would have happened if I was never planning to go to Europe? Would we have had more weekends engulfed in positive energy? My desire to get back to the way I felt was eating me alive. I couldn’t think of anything else. I couldn’t make a decision on what country would come after Spain because I couldn’t stop thinking about Tinder Boy and what could have been if I never left. I needed more time with him. I needed to know more. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself for throwing something so genuine out the window so easily.

After fighting with myself back and forth for about a month, I made the decision to fly back to Boston. Tinder Boy repeatedly made up lame excuses to not hang out with me. In Spain, I asked him if he wanted me to come back to America and he responded by saying “obviously.” I took a leap of faith for a chance at a once in a lifetime love story just to be let down once again.

I then began to sulk in my sorrows and question my own worth as I allowed Tinder Boy to obnoxiously ditch me periodically over the next couple of months. I felt as if the decision to come back to the States couldn’t have been further from the right decision.

Some silver linings.

Let’s not get it twisted though, I have absolutely no regrets. I followed my heart and I am proud of myself for that. If you don’t just get up and go for something, you’ll never know how it could be. My journey into trusting the unknown didn’t necessarily bring me back to Tinder Boy but that decision shaped a new path in life for me. I spent a few months helping an old college friend as she mutually helped me not to be homeless. She’s a single mother of four, going through a divorce, working full-time, and in an intensive nursing program. My decision to chase a gut feeling is what ultimately led me to three months back in my college town with a friend I hadn’t seen in years. I saw the positive change that stemmed from my presence there. Not only was I able to support a friend during a difficult time, I was able to be there for her children as well. My bruised ego and empty heart were able to get a recharge every time I danced with the kids in the living room. I got extra fuel when the youngest, a fellow Aquarius I would call young Aqua, would come hug me 8 times a day just because. If I didn’t come back to take a chance on Tinder Boy, I would have missed out on so many memories with a good friend and her family; my family.

Shortly after this, I went back to my hometown where I stayed with my cousin for a bit. My upbeat presence in her home was crucial as this was a mentally stressful time for her. Her mailman baby-daddy was finally moving out after years of trying to live civilly together for the sake of their son. My cousin secretly developed a dangerous hoarding habit since her mother died so I spent my short time in her home helping her to get as organized as possible. Even her ‘mother-in-law’ was baffled, yet thrilled, at the fact that the kitchen can now be utilized. She couldn’t get over the fact you could see the countertops. It was that serious.

Sadly, her hoarding was creating unnecessary anxiety for me and the desire to get it cleared out, cleaned, and revamped was causing me to abuse Adderall. The prescription drug abuse only increased my anxiety and living in the rummage of material items that hold no value was drowning me. I had just caught sight of the shore and there was no way I was about to let this hoarding wave take me back under.

I watched my cousin become passive aggressive on days where I cleaned too much in one go. I did my best to go slow and be respectful and understanding of her mental health state. I never used the word “hoard” and we both just silently accepted the unsafe living conditions surrounded by us. She was unable to let things go, even though so many things around the house were left unopened and unused. I tried to sell things online and she kept taking things out of the ‘to sell’ pile and creating ridiculous reasons to keep them. I understood, though, so I did my best to support her while I was there.

One day she got pissed at me for moving some things and her irritation led her to give me the silent treatment all weekend. It was during the silent treatment that I realized that this is what her and mailman baby-daddy must have done for all these years. No wonder they’re both miserable! The weekend ended and just like that, she began to engage with me as if nothing had ever happened. She just up and put her emotions inside the closet with the rest of the house junk. I mentioned that this style of communication isn’t healthy and it didn’t take long after that before I was packing my backpack once again to escape a reality not meant for me.

I attempted to thank her for letting me stay and tried to tell her I’d watch her son any time she may need. She was so mad about me nicely suggesting she see a therapist, she ignored my gratitude and my offer. We still don't talk. It’s crazy the damage the ego can do to a person in complete denial.

I ended up on a friend's couch. I secured a state job but the process felt dreadfully long. My car was repossessed a week before my roommate jumped ship so I was feeling restricted and quite low. I continued to take the Adderall even though I no longer had anything that needed to be cleaned. I started to sulk again, feeling myself drift away into the darkness once more.

I decided to escape my misery along with the winter cold by hopping on a one-way $75 flight to Guatemala. I was choosing to wait out the employment process in the warmer weather. More importantly, I was feeling unsatisfied with my failed European volunteer plans and desperately needed a reminder that there’s something more to life than unnecessary sadness.

I spent three weeks backpacking all around Guatemala before canceling my flight home. I chose to extend my trip for another 3 weeks to venture through Honduras and El Salvador. It’s this completely random decision to not just continue traveling but to choose less traveled countries that ultimately led to my detox and inner healing.

I no longer was upset that it was taking several months to get the ball rolling with my new position. I was now grateful. If the job started in January, would I have just stayed with my cousin out of convenience? I sure wouldn’t have made it to the top of the Santa Ana volcano. I wouldn’t have seen these new cultures and ways of living. I would have missed out on this very important reminder that there are much bigger problems in the world than my privileged American problems. This trip through countries 29, 30, and 31 was one of the most challenging yet rewarding journeys I’ve ever come to know.

A sense of myself was reappearing before me. I was excited for life again. I cried my way through a couple of my comfort zones along the way, pushing further past my self-made limitations. I was, and still am, so proud of myself for all that was endured during those six weeks. Countries nowhere near the top of my radar somehow gave me back pieces of myself that I had lost somewhere in the whirlwind of my chaotic life. It was everything I didn’t know I needed.

Tinder Boy was just a simple chance encounter that may have broken me down but somehow also led me to where I needed to go to heal. I needed that healing in order to excel in my new position. And I needed to follow my instincts back home because if I hadn’t, I most definitely wouldn’t be a social worker right now. Finally I get to create a path towards my own permanent stability, something I’ve been desiring to achieve for what feels like most of my life.

I truly do believe that there are no chance encounters. Every choice you make or don’t make shapes the path of your journey. Sometimes you get nudged around a bit but it's only because the Universe is trying to push you towards your correct path. Lessons are scattered along every path you take, so make sure to keep your eyes open for them! And don't ever forget that when you’re down and feeling despair, getting back up is just a choice away.

healing
Like

About the Creator

CONLEY

Emerging writer, Aquarius mentality, abstract artist, freedom enthusiast, nomadic by nature, dance party initiator, teacher of the future, lover of life.

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.