My So Called Perfect Life

Living the perfect life can be tough and very much not for the faint of hearts. I should know as I have been striving for perfection all my life. Being perfect is exhausting but letting people see the real me is terrifying. I always have to appear as if my life is together and never let people know that I’m barely hanging on by a thread.

From all appearances I look as if I have a perfect life. I have two beautiful kids, a husband who is always working, a thriving business, and my bills are always paid on time. I must be doing something right, right. But if you take a closer look you will see many cracks in my foundation and just one good gust of wind could knock it all down. This perfect life I have built could come tumbling down at any moment and this frightens me more than anything else. I thrive on being in control and hiding my flaws. Nobody and I mean nobody gets to see the real me. All my life I have been made to believe that my true self was never good enough. So, perfection is all that I can be and nothing is going to stop me from showing that to the rest of the world.

Good ole social media lets me make this facade even more perfect. I only ever post the best moments in my life. Thus, allowing me to pretend as if nothing bad ever happens. People only ever want to see the good in your life anyways and I give them the very best of my life. I live for the comments and the praise just makes me jump for joy. I can never hear enough praise in my life. I just love getting so much attention from everyone. It makes feel accepted. It also keeps me striving to be even more perfect as if I can be any more perfect than I already am. I know I sound self absorbed but it’s what allows me to keep this facade up. My mom always said perfection is everything and that’s why I will never stop being perfect.

To be honest though being perfect has kept me from living the life of freedom that I have always wanted. It keeps me paralyzed in fear of what others will think of me. I want to be able to branch out and do more of what I love. But what if people think I’m strange and the bullying starts up again. I couldn’t live with myself if that were to ever happen again. Not only that but my need to be perfect keeps me from getting anything done in my life. It has to be perfect or it can never be done by me. If I know I will look funny doing something I won’t do it out of fear of being laughed at. Cause you know nobody enjoys being laughed at for something they tried really hard to do. I guess what it really comes down to is that fear of rejection and being cast aside. I need to know I’m accepted and that everyone finds me perfect. Perfection is what I’m always striving for in my life.

So, I don’t know why I am doing this but I am going to use this platform to let you in on my life behind my perfect facade. Let you all see my struggle to appear perfect at every moment of my life. Maybe by doing this we can help each other. Maybe this will help heal my need to be perfect. Till next time Bitches!!!