My Reseoultion

I wanted to share with you about my bottomless journey of how I even got onto having a wellness resolution in the first place.

It all started in 2019 where I was trying to fight for my right to be divorced from a man that never loved me ,but wanted to keep me near him so then he can constantly cheat on me and treat me as if I was his sex slave, or just a slave in general. I fought like hell where to the point it made me evil and bitter on how people were evolving around me and I'm still fighting get that removed. Not only .... not only I was working on my friendship and wanted to date this man I've been talking to since may or march of 2018. Let's just say all my shit was in hell and I didn't know I was there even though my ass was in flames. The only thing that kept my ass sane was a so-called friend ( who was constantly negative all the time ,but wanted me to hear all about the shit she's doing while I'm surviving day on day out from loosing my mind ) and BTS. Yes that was keeping me sane . Also a good check from the hotel that I hated the most and also got sexually harassed in may I add to that .

As you're reading this I bet you're asking yourself ... is she or will she ever go into " The Good Place " finally? I don't think so because I didn't know where to start. I just wanted to not listen to that , complain like there's no tomorrow and not be here on this Earth. Why? Because I was still married to a guy who was giving me trouble to even sign papers and somehow doesn't have scanner anymore ? Also was like in phase of if I am even pretty anymore too? Talk about the worse feeling on the planet. I really thought it was the end for me. That this will the last part of me that people will see before THE BIG END.

I kept trying to go back to Islam ,but honestly it wasn't hitting the same way as it did in 2010. Same goes for Scientology. After I quit working with them , I just said I need to find the inner part of myself . I need to find a way to accept myself finally. But I was still looking outward. You know? That thought that if I change into this or change like the girls or thems on TV that maybe just maybe my other half will love me better. It was horribly sickening.

Mind you it gotten even worse when the pandemic came. I sat down thinking if I will ever change and stop doing the same thing finally. Will my life change? Will I finally move out of this country that I call my home? Will I take risk again without " offending people" like I did before when I was in Islam? Will I finally be me ? That one who that they only see Nasty E ,but not the other parts who will save them from hell. Their hell.

In 2020 , I finally started to realize that it's not my friends nor my family nor anybody, not even BTS will change me. I have to change me for myself. For my own riddance to be okay finally. First , I have to kill the part of myself that didn't want that. So I finally quit my hotel job. ( Mind you that was the worse idea ,but then the best idea.. ) I started to look into art , look into stuff that I had dropped finally. I had made ideas and actually started writing my own book and published it online and made myself feel better and now have the urge to write again finally to be free from that what if's.

When I finally got hired at a small retail job... I felt free . I can finally pay my bills ,but I can also finally afford those paints and canvases that I wanted for so long and finally started painting . I even got that divorce from that man and finally dropped off them toxic people. Even alot of social media. Yeah I finally started to free myself.

I guess you can say that my resolution got better? Yes and then no. I had more ways of going ( still til this day I still do ) . I finally accept my darkness when I met other w*tches and start doing my shadowwork. I may not be a w*tch ,but baby I learned from the best of accept my shadow a little more and also take them tarot reading serious . I don't accept less at all when it comes to that. With all this shadow work, inner work, I became a model of my higherself .All this time I didn't know that's what she wanted. She wanted me to finally free myself and be the bully on the mic as well. These what I am working on. I'm not scared ,but the rejection and the failure I'm seeing that through and I'm not going to quit.

Let's just say that my well resolution that I mainly did was reflect and act on that reflect. Also not give up on stuff because it didn't fit nor seek anyone's approval. I realize it never will. So with that, I am doing what is best for me. I come to realize that all have a agenda to make sure I don't make it and I should trust within myself ( while also listening to my guides ) that I need to handle my business and remove the problem like I should many years ago.

I'm happy and healthy now ,but I still got more ways to go to make sure that whatever I had manifest gets done and gets fulfilled. I am heavenly excited for what is near me and now is near me.

That's my resolution.