My mind is active but my body is tired

My mind is active but my body is tired..

Backstory: I'm currently receiving ongoing treatment for a bladder condition (there's no diagnosis yet but the symptoms are similar to Interstitial Cystitis) and this has been ongoing for almost 8 years.

After a couple of years of keeping a lid on a psychological battle in my head about whether this illness is a 'curse' or a 'gift' - constantly asking "Why me?", "What short straw did I pull to deserve this?", trying not to think about finances, relationships, family, studies, career or anything long-term or ‘too serious’ as I had noticed this was a trigger for bad day. However, sometimes I was constantly repeating self-affirmation quotes "I am stronger than this" “I got this”, praying (religion has always been a big part of my life) and doing anything (listening to music or watching movies) to keep my spirit up. The 'gift' side finally won the fight and my mind was re-activated! I started to appreciate all the life lessons this condition has taught me, what it has revealed about me - to me! and the people I have met through online support groups. I felt like I was thinking clearer again, I could think about the future without feeling a sense of despair, I could dream again, socializing became a thing again, I enrolled on a masters course (part time and distance learning) and I had set myself up in a remote working role (so I wasn't too bored and I could use my skills and intelligence again).... Not being able to use the skills and experience from the 3 years completing an undergraduate degree was hard to bear. University wasn’t an easy walk for me. I don’t think it’s ever easy for anyone who has a chronic condition. A lot of time was spent catching up on missed lectures, at some point it felt like I was doing a distance learning course but not on my own time. In the near future, I would like to be a Patient Experience consultant and use my experience (work, academic and personal) to help shape care for patients with a similar condition, young people and every patient accessing healthcare. It was such a relief to finally see the ‘blue sky’ after a long storm. But.., what I hadn't accounted for was how I would manage the fatigue from the sleepless nights when I have a flare up (they are now more frequent than they were a couple of years back and I think my pain tolerance is better so sometimes I can’t tell if I’m experiencing a flare up of it’s the new normal), the side effects from the pain killers (a lot of painkillers) - which include tiredness, and just the strain on my body from the pain I'm constantly in. I had spent a lot of time trying to get my ‘head straight or clear’ and my physical health / wellbeing had taken the back seat on the bus (a very packed bus!). I got used to the new norm (a lot of time on the sofa or in bed & feeling tired even after 8 hours of sleep) fairly quickly because when my mental health wasn’t too good, I hadn’t been very active.

When I do get the odd bit of energy, I try my best to work through the goals my 'active' mind has set for the day, week or month. I have learnt how to take things "one day at a time" and working on making my mind slow down to catch up with the body - because the body can't go any faster, not right now