My Inspiration In Heaven

She was head strong and beautiful, the kind of person where if Godzilla was real not even he could shake her down. While as for myself, I was like a hardened shell always afraid that if I’d reach out for more in life it’d just get me hurt. I believe theirs a lot of people like this in the world, hardened from the things they’ve endured. My sister Amanda however, she changed that for me. I guess she saw something in me that no one else did. She got me to try foods that I myself couldn’t even imagine indulging, like seafood and foreign spices. I will never forget when she got me to eat lamb (It looked like a cooked intestine.) I got sick afterwards and puked for almost an hour straight. She took me to places no one else would, trying to get me to open up and shine, and always invited me to go try new things. For example we went on a road trip to visit a cave our father would bring us to as a child, and during the trip we tried to attempt to participate in a holiday that was foreign to us and go over twenty four hours without eating. I caved in and ate when I seen a box of “Mama’s Hot Sausages” (That’s what I’ve always called them.), and went on to stuff my face. It’s strange how remembering something, can make it feel like an old friend has came to visit. It’s been almost a year since she died, I still get event reminders on Facebook of places she wanted me to go too. I sometimes wonder, if I’d go would she be there in one of the crowds faces? She was a model and one of the first women to become a coal miner in West Virginia. She was my inspiration to chase my dreams. I started out writing, published a few books, and eventually I started giving up on myself. I felt pathetic to the other writers and famous authors out there. Then the day came where I woke up to a call. Amanda had died in a car crash on her way home from work on April 6th, 2019. I didn’t want to believe it, it wasn’t until I went to the funeral home and seen her body on the table that I realized she was gone forever. I shut down on myself, and everyone around me. My life became full of fake smiles. When I went with my family to clean out her apartment I found a box of books. She had books where she was trying to become a writer. How could someone who was as amazing as her, be inspired by someone like me. That’s the thing though there’s people in the world, and family who see you for more then you see yourself. I started to find poetry of hers, and decided I would somehow try to make one of her last dreams come true. I put together a book of her poetry, and wrote out a memoir. I had it published and named the book “ The Poet Amanda Sue”, that’s how she would sign her name on the bottom of her poems. She inspired me to see myself for more then I ever have before, and maybe somehow she can live on in the ink of paper. I will always try chasing my dreams, I will try new things every chance I get, and I will make her proud. She will forever be my inspiration that lives in heaven.