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Mornings with Me

by Isabel Valencia Zuniga 2 months ago in happiness
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In reality

Mornings with Me
Photo by Linus Belanger on Unsplash

For a while now I've been daydreaming of a new lifestyle for myself. A more confident, disciplined and genuine version of who I am, living a productive yet relaxing life. My sign is Virgo, and a common misconception is that we are the most responsible and dedicated Zodiac sign. Always on time, always responsible, blah, blah, blah. But it is very hard to stay on top of my virgo sh**t when I feel exhausted, and I know that my exhaustion comes from being overly-lazy.

By Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

In the end, motivation is motivation, and you either have it or you don't. Right now I am looking for it because without it I'm slowly turning into a couch potato, my muscles are turning into goo, and my mental strength is becoming a liability.

By Vladislav Muslakov on Unsplash

Motivation. I can picture the perfect morning, a version of me that I would love to embody. This person wakes up at sunrise, in the summer this means 5:30am. She wakes up, makes coffee, and opens a nonfiction book to ease her mind into a reality. About 40mins later, she's alert and caffeinated--ready for some movement. She migrates to the yoga room, yes a room specifically for yoga and mental space. With the help of Down Dog, she will tune into her yogi spirit for a few moments of self awareness. And finally, at 8am she hops in the shower and begins to get ready for her 9 to 5 life.

Yoga would be for Monday's, Wednesday's and Fridays. On Tuesday and Thursday she will exercise her creativity and paint, or draw, or rearrange. However the creativity wants to flow, she will allow herself to give in. This time to keep building her artistic side, an open time for just fun and dancing.

By Ginny Rose Stewart on Unsplash

This is simply a plan to implement a healthy morning routine. It sounds so easy and attainable... but the truth is, I have been picturing this scenario for months and haven't had the courage to do it, yet. I haven't had the mental strength to wake myself up and fight the voice inside my head saying that I can't do it, and that I don't have to. It is true, I don't have to do anything, but a part of me feels sick and heavy inside.

I've been spending all of my energy on others, on my employer, on my instagram followers and on my boyfriend. Before I knew it any spare time I had for myself was spent on my phone or on the TV, and these blue light devices really know how to make you loose track of the days.

By Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

A part of me is scared, intimidated, and embarrassed to start this routine. Embarrassed? YES!! And, I don't really know why. Maybe because being vulnerable is showing your most true self and allowing yourself to just be, without the judgment of others. Initiating this routine would, in a way, transform who I am to the outside world. And maybe this is what i am afraid of, the change of perspective from others because I already want to change for the better. I can already see what my mornings could be like if I could just honor my inner dreams.

Change is so difficult. I often catch myself writing about a memory, or experience that I am still digesting, and the conclusion usually comes down to how I handled that certain type of change. A change of location, relationship, job, physical appearance, etc. I think that anxiety is a sign of change, something is changing and our bodies are not ready, our consciousness got ahead of us and as much as we spin the new idea of change in our brain, our ego is hitting a wall--if we change then who are we? If we can always change and transform, then where does identity stand?

By Stanley Shashi on Unsplash

A bit radical, but anxiety is unexplainable while experiencing it. I worry so often about the outcomes, about the other side before I even start accepting the current side I'm on. Change requires us to let go of our current understanding of life, and accept a new version. A version that has unlimited uncertainty, and infinite possibilities. The vastness of change is intimidating. It's like standing at the top of a skyscraper looking down. All the space between me and the surface below is overwhelming and scary, to think that if you fall, you will undoubtedly crash.

However, you can always take the stairs. If you take the stairs, and take it one step at a time you'll realize that it's doable, and attainable and not so scary. Change is diving into the unknown, but if every day is unknown, then why are we scared of purposeful change?

It's not the new year, nor is it my birthday, or any specific time of the year that marks the start of something new. So, I am deciding that along with my new job that is coming in 2 weeks, I will honor my daydream and see where I can take myself. I want to live what I'm constantly fantasizing, I will wake up at dawn and start my day for myself before thinking of anyone else.

I feel like most of the time I am living one life inside of my head, and another life with the outside world. Ultimately, I just want to see no difference between these two worlds. I want to close my eyes and see exactly what I have in front of me and want nothing else. I want to meet my dreams and make my life a living fantasy.

This is the beginning of Isabelandia. The land where Isabel is everywhere, the world is my own and of my own imagination. Yet, it is real and you'll be a part of it.

By Vasily Nemchinov on Unsplash


About the author

Isabel Valencia Zuniga

Constantly changing, so I'm keeping a digital journal here. Enjoy my thoughts!

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